Rating/Warnings: i think this may be G. G for Garter.
Summary: Yuuri can either give Wolfram a Valentine's Day present or not, and Gwendal's advice is, as usual, priceless.
AN: yes i know V Day was like two weeks ago, and there are Remix fics i need to be writing and things. but who can resist Yuuri freaking out?
Clear and Present Danger
"Your Majesty, I need you to sign this for me."
Yuuri lifted his head from the letter Gunter had him drafting and gave Conrad an exhausted sigh. He'd been in the office drafting letters of state to other rulers all afternoon and his eyes were starting to cross from staring at the unfamiliar writing.
"What's the date?" Yuuri asked, doing his best to keep the aching of his hand from turning his official signature into bearbee scratch.
"It's the twelfth, Your Majesty."
"The twelfth!" Yuuri sat up in alarm, quill slipping from his cramped fingers and fluttering to the floor. "Oh no! That means there's only two days left before Valentine's Day!"
"The earth holiday?" Conrad looked thoughtful, as he dug up some old memories. "It involves chocolate, doesn't it?"
"Yes," Yuuri moaned, putting his head in his hands.
"But what's the pro—"
"Do you two mind." Gwendal was glaring at them from the other desk, where he was sitting behind a huge stack of paperwork. "Some of us are trying to run a country here."
"What is the problem?" Conrad asked, more quietly. Yuuri's moan was no less subdued.
"It's a love holiday, Conrad!" he said. "You're supposed to give the boy you like chocolate to show them you're interested. And worse, Wolfram knows about it because Murata mentioned it a few weeks ago."
"And…" Conrad prompted.
"And if I don't give Wolfram something, he'll have a fit!"
"Then get him something," Conrad suggested.
"But Valentine's Day is for girls to give things to boys!" Yuuri screeched.
"Then don't get him something."
"Are you kidding!" Yuuri's eyes grew wide. "He might kill me!"
"Your Majesty," Conrad took a deep breath and tried to ignore the look Gwendal was giving them, "why exactly can't you get Wolfram something? Even if the holiday is for girls, can't you bend the rules just a little?"
"But then it'll be like admitting that I'm the girl!"
Conrad let that exclamation hang in the air for a long moment before attempting to reply, but Yuuri was already babbling on frantically.
"If he already thinks I'm the girl, it'll be like proof!" Yuuri was gripping the table hard enough that his fingers were turning white. "If he doesn't, he'll think that I think that I'm the girl! And if he hasn't thought about it yet, I'll be giving him ideas! And…"
"Your Majesty!" Conrad interrupted before Yuuri could hyperventilate. "I don't think that Wolfram has put quite as much thought into this as you have."
"Yes, well," Yuuri sneered, "you didn't think Wolfram would have a problem with that overnight camping trip with Murata either, so we'll be ignoring your opinion in situations such as this."
"Yes, Your Majesty." Conrad fought to keep the smile off his lips.
"What am I going to do?" Yuuri moaned, slumping in his chair. "If I don't give Wolfram a present, he'll blow something up, and it'll probably be me! If I do give him something, there will be consequences that I can't even comprehend right now! But if…"
Conrad and Yuuri both looked over at Gwendal, who was clutching his quill so tightly that it was bent in the middle.
"Your Majesty," he continued at a more normal but no less scary volume, "what exactly did you tell Wolfram about your holiday?"
"Uh…" Yuuri scratched his head. "That boys get chocolate. I think."
"Then that is all he knows." Gwendal turned back to his papers. "Give him chocolate, and that will be the end of it."
Two years later…
"Just give him chocolate, Your Majesty." Yuuri sneered in a childish voice as he glared at his reflection in the full-length mirror. "That'll be the end of it, Your Majesty."
"You look very handsome," Conrad reassured, fixing Yuuri's collar. Yuuri batted his hands away, thinking blackly about the dark blue velvet that Wolfram got to wear instead of…this.
"His Majesty is too young to be married!" Gunter wailed for the millionth time that morning, sobbing into a drenched handkerchief.
"It isn't like you had military formals anyway," Gwendal pointed out.
"I'm not speaking to you," Yuuri hissed at Gwendal, turning away from the mirror to give him a scorching glare.
"Don't be angry with Gwendal," Murata said, slinging an arm over Yuuri's lace-covered shoulders. Thank heaven the sleeveless look was back out again this year. "I was the one who told Wolfram exactly who was supposed to give who what on Valentine's Day."
"Hey, kiddo!" Yozak flung open the door and leaned in, his taffeta bridesmaid dress rustling around him in an emerald cloud. He brandished something circular that involved yet more lace and ribbons. "You can't forget the garter!"
"I'm not speaking to any of you!" Yuuri exclaimed. Snatching his veil out of Conrad's hands, Yuuri seized two handfuls of his white silk petticoats and made for the door. As he was yanking the garter out of Yozak's hand on the way by, he heard Gwendal mutter,
"Should he even be wearing white? Given that he's the least virginal thing in the castle,"
just before he slammed the door with enough force to knock the pictures on the wall askew.
He took several deep breaths to calm himself as he affixed the veil to his head, then lifted his skirts out of the way to slide the garter on. If Wolfram could find the thing buried in all the other silk and lace, then he deserved whatever Mazoku reward he got for it. Figuring he wasn't going to get any more prepared than this, Yuuri got a good grip on his bouquet and marched down the hall, only limping a little bit.
Man, these heels were murder.