Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this
mousapelli

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You are so SEXY my love...

Here we go, the post is now unfiltered for your public enjoyment. And sociofemme nearly did die laughing, so it was all for the best.

So I wrote a songfic. *shrugs embarrassedly* But it's really really funny, i SWEAR. It's worth it, trust me.

If you haven't ever heard "Everybody" by Sister Hazel, go listen to it .

Study Break Serenade

“There she is!” Ron whispered to Harry, peering around the library door at where Hermione was hunched over a book in her usual spot.

“You sure about this?” Harry asked, stifling giggles.

“Are you kidding?!” Ron demanded. “I had to steal the music thingy right out from Hermione’s nose, spend days practicing, AND coerce my father into telling me how to enchant that damn AD player!”

“CD player,” Harry corrected, nearly choking on his stifled laughter.

“But it’s going to be worth it,” Ron cackled with glee, “just to see the look on Hermione’s face…are you ready?”

“Yes,” Harry answered, snickers sneaking out with the word.

“Good,” Ron took a deep breath, tapped his throat with his wand and muttered, “Sonorous!

As Ron slammed open the library door all the way and strode in, Harry made sure the Hogwarts-proofed CD player was cranked up to maximum volume and waited for Ron’s signal, barely managing to contain himself.

“What are you doing?” Hermione asked suspiciously as Ron approached her table.

Ron quirked an eyebrow in answer.

“And why has Harry got a…”

Hermione’s question died as Ron leapt onto the table suddenly and Harry hit the ‘play’ button.

“YOU ARE SO SEXY MY LOVE,” Ron’s voice boomed throughout the library, “YOU’VE GOT ME TRIPPING OVER MY TONGUE AND I CAN’T SAY WHAT I MEAN BUT I MEAN IT WHEN I SAY…”

“You stole my CD, you bastard!” Hermione screamed at Ron, face turning crimson. Ron merely winked and kept going, really starting to throw his body into the beat of the music.

“THAT I FELL SO HARD FOR YOU THAT IT BROKE MY HEART IN TWO, NOW I’M WRAPPED IN BLACK AND BLUE, YOU KNOW I’M CRAZY FOR YOOOOO!”

By the time the chorus hit, Hermione couldn’t help but giggle embarrassedly at Ron’s ridiculous performance, especially as it became painfully obvious that the only dance moves Ron knew were the Quidditch victory dances Fred and George had taught him.

It was the sudden symbolic thrusting in the middle of the Quaffle Waffle that drove her over the edge, and Hermione leaned back in her seat and howled with laughter, neither she nor Ron noticing Madam Pince storming out of the stacks.

Ron plowed ahead with the song, regardless of Pince’s escalating screams and arm flailing. He was in the middle of the second verse (“I’D TRADE MY MOMMA FOR YOUR TOUCH!”) when she grabbed a fistful of his robes and yanked him off the table, toppling him onto the floor and beating him over the head with her wand, screaming “QUIETUS! QUIETUS!” at the top of her lungs.

Ron, the performance now over, was roaring with laughter so hard that he barely even felt it, while Hermione had reached the point where no sound was even coming out and tears were streaming down her face. Harry had collapsed onto the floor long ago.

* * * * * *

By the time Ron and Harry returned from the Headmaster’s Office, Hermione was sprawled weakly on the couch in the Common Room, feeling like if she laughed anymore she might start bleeding internally. A weak giggle leaked out of her when she made eye contact with Ron and she squeezed her eyes shut when she saw his answering grin.

“Don’t laugh,” she gasped painfully. “You’ll get me started, and if I laugh anymore they’re going to have to Floo me to St. Mungo’s!”

“I swear I won’t,” Ron promised, his voice still rather uneven.

Hermione opened one eye to peer at him accusingly, her smile twitching. She got up gingerly, clutching her sides.

“I’d like my CD back,” she told him, holding out her hand.

Ron bit his lip so hard it bled trying to keep back his sniggers and tried to breathe through his nose while he handed her the disc. After a moment’s hesitation, she pulled a neatly folded piece of parchment out of her pocket and pressed it into Ron’s hand.

His eyes widened and he looked at her, and she met his gaze for a second before Ron’s eyes crinkled and a snort escaped.

Hermione bolted for the girls’ dormitory, her choked giggles echoing behind her.

“What’s that?” Harry asked, voice rough from laughing. Ron didn’t answer immediately, but unfolded the paper to make sure, and just stared at the paper, grinning like a fool.

Harry peered over his shoulder and gasped.

“No!” he exclaimed. “It can’t be!”

“I TOLD you it would be worth it!” Ron crowed proudly.

“Women!” Harry snorted. “I could’ve danced on that table naked and been EXPELLED, and it still wouldn’t have gotten ME the counter-charm to the girls’ stairs!”

“God bless Muggle musicians!” Ron beamed, hugging the parchment to his chest. “Don’t wait up, mate!”

Harry shook his head in disgust as Ron bounded towards the stairs, not even slowing down as he shouted the counter-charm at them.

Harry glanced around to make sure no one was watching before he tiptoed up the stairs after Ron, but he continued right past the door marked ‘Sixth Years’, which was already swinging shut behind his best friend, and didn’t stop until he stood in front of one marked ‘Fifth Years’.

He hadn’t even had to dance, Harry smirked to himself.
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