Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this
mousapelli

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Operation Site Anniversary: Hour Three

Well, we did two fun, guess I'll throw one of the darker ones in there.

For contrariwise who wanted Remus-centric fic, Post OotP

Avoidance Tactics

The summer after, Remus did everything in his power to avoid Harry.

It was easier than it sounded, given that they lived in the same house. 12 Grimmauld Place was big and winding enough that you could live there and not see anybody else if you chose, much less avoid a single person.

Molly harped at him about it, of course, but much more subtly than she ever did with That Other Person Who Used To Live Here Whose Name Nobody Said Anymore Not Ever Especially Not In Front Of Remus.

"SIRIUS!" he'd wanted to shout in the middle of breakfast one morning. He'd wanted to get up on the table and jump up and down and yell "SIRIUS SIRIUS SIRIUS!" just to see what they all would do.

He didn't of course, he'd used up all his violent impulsiveness in the years after Sirius had been gone the first time, done things to people that would make Kingsley Shacklebolt's hair not only turn white but fall out if any of them knew about it.

Moreover, he didn't because he was sure they wouldn't do anything, just pat him on the head and whisper to each other how Remus was grieving and Remus needed time to heal and it was all part of the process, and Remus would have to murder them all because he just couldn't take it another second, all of them transposing their own grief onto him.

He'd run out of grief a long time ago.

But Harry…Harry Remus couldn't deal with. He couldn't before, and he couldn't now. Everyone who saw him lately seemed like they were trying to silently urge him to pick up where Sirius had left off as Harry's godfather, he could practically see them mouthing the words "you're all he has left", but it wasn't true, Harry had loads of people, he just didn't want them.

"Is it because he looks like James?" Tonks had asked, the only person to come out and say anything out loud to Remus' face.

"No," Remus had answered, and he wasn't lying.

Fifteen years ago, it had been because he looked too much like James, by the time he was back from his three-year Trip To Nowhere that nobody knew about, he couldn’t bear to look a picture of Harry, much less the real thing.

But he'd gotten over that, even before he'd been Harry's teacher for a year, just let it fade away like everything did from Remus eventually.

And really, Remus rationalized, it wasn't like he'd be a very good godfather, not like Harry even probably wanted him to replace Sirius, not like after refusing to do the job for all this time he ought to even try.

These days, it hurt when Harry shouted at Molly, not pushed his glasses up his nose. When he gave Ron a black eye, not when he mussed up his hair worse than usual.

These days, Harry looked a lot more like Sirius than James.
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