Title: Girl Trouble
Pairing/warning: Inuyasha/Kagome i suppose, but the R is for swearing.
Summary: Inuyasha simultaneously knows too much and absolutely nothing about women.
AN: He so totally can tell. In my opinion, it's more fun to write Inuyasha and Kagome arguing than getting it on anyhow.
Inuyasha, Kagome, and Shippo didn't even look up when Sango's shout rang across the clearing, followed by the usual crack of her palm against Miroku's cheek. They kept right on eating until Sango had stomped off to the spring by herself and Miroku had sat down across from them at the fire, the handprint on his face an angry red.
“What did you do this time?” Kagome asked.
“Nothing much.” Miroku shrugged, grinning as usual.
“You must have said something.” Kagome crossed her arms.
“On my honor, I did not,” Miroku's eyes grew wide in what he probably thought was an expression of innocence. “I was merely escorting her to the spring, for her own safety, and then I stumbled a little and my hands happened to brush her waist.”
“And a little lower?” Kagome inquired icily.
“Sadly, no,” and Miroku actually did look a little put out, “if I would have tripped a few steps further back perhaps, but the angle was not quite as I had hoped. And that is all. Lady Sango then slapped me as usual.”
“It's because it's the end of her pupping cycle.”
There was a moment of silence as Kagome turned her head slowly to regard Inuyasha. The half-demon was still eating as though he hadn't said anything of note.
“What did you say?” she asked.
“I 'ed,” Inuyasha repeated around a mouth of noodles, “that it's the end of Sango's breeding cycle. She's always gets cranky the last few…”
“SIT!” Kagome screeched, and Inuyasha flung his hands out in front of him to save his ramen as he went crashing into the dirt.
“Dammit wench!” he barked around a mouthful of dust. “What the hell was that for?!”
“You're so insensitive!” Kagome shouted at him, clenching her hands into fists. “Just because a girl doesn't like being pawed, it must be that time of the month, is that it?!”
“I didn't even get to paw her,” Miroku sighed regretfully.
“Miroku!” Kagome turned her glare on the monk. Shippo, who had been watching this exchange nervously, edged around to Miroku's side of the fire.
“What's the big fucking deal?!” Inuyasha demanded, finally able to drag his neck up from the ground and giving the full force of his snarl to Kagome. “All I said was that it's the end of her cycle!”
“That's a horrible thing to say!” Kagome shrieked.
“But it IS!” Inuyasha roared.
Kagome froze with the next 'SIT!' hovering on her lips. Inuyasha, clutching his ramen to his chest for safety, eyed her warily.
“Are you saying,” she finally asked, “that you can actually tell?”
“Of COURSE I can!” Inuyasha snapped. “I can smell your blood through the well a thousand years away, can't I?! Why wouldn't I be able to smell it when you're sitting right there?!”
“Oh.” Kagome's voice was faint and she had turned a little pale.
“Besides,” Inuyasha continued, going back to eating and completely oblivious to the danger of the subject, “The week before, any demon with a decent sense of smell can tell you want to mate.”
“WHAT?!” Kagome's eyes had gone very round, and Miroku and Shippo exchanged a glance before edging backwards. Inuyasha, unbelievably, kept on talking.
“And it's even easier to tell about you because…uh…” Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head as he noticed Kagome's nuclear expression and realized what he was saying. “I mean,” he backpedaled, “not that I care if you want it…”
“Inuyasha!” Miroku tried to stop him as a vein began to pop on Kagome's forehead, but he plowed right on ahead.
“…but sometimes it's really obvious, you really…”
“SIT!” Kagome screamed, hands and eyes clenched in fury. “SIT SIT SIT!”
The ramen went flying as Inuyasha was slammed down, creating an inu-crater six inches deep. By the time he had managed to crawl back out of the hole, Kagome was long gone, gone to cool her temper in the hot spring.
“What the fuck was that about?” he demanded of Miroku and Shippo, who both shook their heads sagely.
“You sure don't know much about women!” Shippo reported.
“They don't seem to like discussing their cycle,” Miroku added.
“You think?” Inuyasha crouched down and shook the dust off himself before picking a few stray noodles off his haori and flinging them off into the night.
“Even so,” Miroku remarked reflectively, eyeing Inuyasha, “that was a little extreme even for Kagome. Seems like maybe Inuyasha hit a nerve…” Kagome seemed even more flustered when Inuyasha said he knew when she…wanted it.
“What nerve?” Shippo asked, tugging on the monk's sleeve when he fell silent. Miroku gave a quiet laugh to himself and shook his head.
“Nothing,” he said, giving the kitsune a smile. “Perhaps it is the end of Kagome's cycle as well.”
“No,” Inuyasha grunted, having completely missed the significant looks Miroku had been sending his way. “Kagome's just a bitch.”