Rating/Warnings: PG-13. if you have an embarrassment squick, this might make you squirm.
Spoilers: None really. It's set a little bit in the future, but it really has nothing to do with any plot points.
Summary: Clearly someone is going to have to fill Yuuri in on some Mazoku things.
AN: For the kyou_kara_maou love challenge, although red_rahl's gorgeous Y/W picture a few days ago certainly sparked the idea of why Yuuri might need the Talk.
I nearly had Anissina show up with a Sex-Education-Giving-Kun, but thought that might be going a bit far.
Not That Kind Of Guy
"…and then their last king, Reginald the Seventh, was nearly deaf and thought the Maou was calling him a little girl when he was really asking…"
"Yuuri!" Wolfram exclaimed, throwing open the door to the royal office.
The current Maou looked up gratefully at the interruption. Although he had nearly understood Gunter's half-hour explanation of why a country the size of a Tokyo apartment was trying to invade New Mazoku, his attention had been rapidly unraveling over the last ten minutes or so. Gwendal, Gunter, and Conrad looked up as well.
"Come on, I've got something to show you," Wolfram said, coming around the desk to stand beside Yuuri.
"Wolfram, I'm right in the middle of…" Yuuri fell silent as Wolfram leaned over and whispered in his ear for several seconds. When the faintest blush spread across Yuuri's nose, Gwendal and Conrad exchanged a glance. Wolfram straightened up with a smirk, and Yuuri rose from his chair. "Oh! Gunter, is it all right if we finish this later?"
"But, Your Majesty…" Gunter started, but gave up with a sigh as Yuuri let Wolfram tug him towards the door. Just before it closed behind them, Conrad saw Wolfram's arm snake around Yuuri's waist. "What was that all about?"
"With those two, I've got a good idea," Conrad murmured, just as Gwendal gave a "Hmmm."
"Not His Majesty!" Gunter's lower lip trembled. "He's not that kind of guy!"
"Well, not yet," Conrad chuckled. "But I think pretty soon…"
"It isn't a laughing matter," Gwendal said. "Someone is going to have to talk to him."
"Talk?" Gunter asked.
"Talk," Gwendal repeated. Gunter blinked. "About things." Gunter blinked again. "Oh for…someone's going to have to tell him about sex, Gunter!"
"Sex!" Gunter's eyes widened. "His Majesty?!" His eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed to the floor in a swoon. Ignoring him, Gwendal turned to Conrad.
"Are you saying I should do it?" Conrad raised an eyebrow.
"Someone will have too."
"But you want that someone to be me."
Gwendal glowered at Conrad, and Conrad stared right back. A weak moan rose from Gunter.
"Whichever one of us he brings Wolfram up with first will do it," Gwendal finally said.
Yuuri woke with something warm tickling his chest. When he cracked an eye, it was still dark, but he could definitely see a sleep-tousled Wolfram with his hand up Yuuri's pajama shirt.
"Yaah!" Yuuri sat bolt upright and leaned as far away from Wolfram as he could without falling out of the bed. It wasn't far enough to pull away from Wolfram's hand completely, only enough to make it slide down to his stomach. Wolfram sidled closer, but didn't move his hand. "What are you doing?!"
"What does it look like?" Wolfram murmured, stroking Yuuri's skin with his thumb a little. His usual pink nightgown was slipping off one shoulder, and Yuuri swallowed hard. "I want to be close to you."
"What are you talking about?" Yuuri dragged his gaze back up to Wolfram's face with some effort. "You're sleeping in my bed, how much closer do you want to be?"
"A lot." Wolfram gave the thin smile that rarely heralded something good before throwing a knee over Yuuri's hip and leaning in to nuzzle his neck.
"Wolfram?" There was nowhere for Yuuri to go, if he edged over any more, they would both go tumbling off the bed. On the other hand, the way Wolfram was running his palm over Yuuri's side said that a tumble might be exactly what he was after.
It wasn't as though Wolfram didn't feel good, but his fingers were starting to inch towards Yuuri's waistband, and that was way into uncharted territory. Yuuri reached up to thread a hand through Wolfram's hair, tilting his head up so he could brush his lips against Wolfram's; that was usually the best way to distract him.
Sure enough, Wolfram's fingers stilled, but the softness of Wolfram's hair under hand was its own distraction, and Yuuri couldn't help rubbing his fingers in little circles against Wolfram's scalp, objective already half-forgotten.
Wolfram's mouth fell open a little with a sigh, and Yuuri chased the fleeting brush of tongue against his lower lip with his own tongue, the hand that wasn't tangled in Wolfram's hair curling around his waist. When Wolfram shivered against Yuuri, Yuuri rolled over suddenly to pin Wolfram underneath him, the surprise of being woken up by sexual harassment completely forgotten.
"Yuuri…" Wolfram was breathing a little unsteadily when Yuuri moved his lips to the still-bared shoulder, tempted by the warm, soft skin. When he nipped Wolfram's shoulder suddenly, pleased by how fast the red rose against the paleness, Wolfram twitched and clutched at him.
Suddenly, Yuuri realized that his hand had slipped down from Wolfram's waist to his hip, and Wolfram's nightgown had gotten tangled when he rolled them over, riding up far enough that Yuuri's two littlest fingers were against Wolfram's bare skin. Experimentally, he moved his hand down until his whole palm was against skin and squeezed a little.
"Yuuri!" Wolfram cheeks were flushing, and his hands had gone from tugging at Yuuri to pushing at him a little.
Yuuri dimly realized that he might be getting carried away, but the skin of Wolfram's thigh was so hot, and he slid his hand up just a little more, edging it under the nightgown, and oh he was only a few inches away from Wolfram's…
"STOP!" Wolfram gave a shove that sent Yuuri sliding off the bed with a crash.
"What the HELL are you doing?!" Yuuri demanded, pulling himself painfully up far enough to see over the edge of the bed. Wolfram was glaring at him, yanking the shoulder of his nightgown up.
"I'm not that kind of guy!" Wolfram snapped.
"I'm not that kind of guy?!" Yuuri ranted the next morning to Conrad. "He's the one who woke me up with his hand in insolent places! He's exactly that kind of guy!"
Yuuri had gotten himself so worked up during their run that he had actually got ahead of Conrad for once, and had to pause for a second while Conrad caught up.
"That's the third time this week!" Yuuri resumed grumbling as they jogged along together. "One of these times he's going to start something I can't stop, and then the next morning it'll be all 'The Maou attacked me! The Maou stole my innocence!'"
Conrad began to chuckle, then stopped as he realized that he had just lost his and Gwendal's game of Sexual Education Roulette. He shot a glance over at Yuuri, wondering if he could just pretend that the topic hadn't come up.
"I mean it, Conrad," Yuuri sighed, shoulders slumping a little, "sometimes, he just drives me crazy, and I just want to…to…"
Damn. Internalizing a sigh, Conrad put a hand on Yuuri's shoulder and slowed them to a halt.
"Conrad?" Yuuri asked, wiping sweat hair out of his eyes and looking up at him curiously.
"Your Majesty," he said, willing his face to be neutral and not blush like a schoolgirl, "I think we should talk about some things." Unlike Gunter, Yuuri seemed to catch on right away.
"That won't be necessary!" Yuuri exclaimed, cheeks going pink. "I've already had the Talk! My mom gave it to me after she found the Mazoku thong under my bed…"
"Yes, well," Conrad cleared his throat, "Mazoku are a little different than humans…"
"Are you saying that it isn't just Wolfram being insane?" Yuuri asked, looking disgusted. "Is this some Mazoku courting ritual?"
"No. I mean yes. I…" Conrad took a deep breath, having a hard time keeping his train of thought under all of Yuuri's interruptions. "What I mean, Your Majesty, is that there are some consequences of…being intimate with a Mazoku that you might not be familiar with. What if Wolfram became pregnant?"
Yuuri blinked, eyes huge, and Conrad fought the urge to wince. He hadn't meant to drop that rock into the conversation until a little later on, but it wasn't as if Yuuri didn't need to know.
"That can't happen." Yuuri's stare had turned rather pleading. Conrad felt bad for him, but really was just relieved that he hadn't questioned Conrad's accidental announcement about who was widely rumored to be doing what in the Maou's bedroom.
"So you see why we need to talk, Your Majesty," Conrad said, laying a reassuring hand on Yuuri's shoulder. Yuuri sighed.
"All right. But if I have to have the Talk all over again, you have to stop calling me 'Your Majesty'." A suspicious look crossed Yuuri's face. "And you aren't going to call it my chibi-Yuuri, are you?"
Conrad's face remained immobile, but a choked noise rattled in his throat.
"How did it go?" Gwendal asked without looking up from his paperwork when Conrad came into the office and slumped into the chair in front of the desk.
"It went all right," Conrad closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "His Majesty was a bit startled at first, and then he asked all these questions…but I think he knows everything that's important now."
"You know, Gwendal," Conrad cracked an eye and looked at his half-brother speculatively, "as awkward as it was, I'm a little bit glad I had to. I couldn't really imagine you telling Yuuri all of those things, especially knowing that he would turn around and use them on Wolfram."
"Neither could I," Gwendal said, finally setting down his quill and looking up. "That's why I told him to ask you."
There was a moment of silence before Conrad said "You bastard!" and started laughing.
"Is there something wrong, Yuuri?"
Yuuri lifted his head from where he was sprawled across the bed on his back to see Wolfram just back from the bath, still toweling his hair dry. Usually it made Yuuri a little warm to see Wolfram with beads of water on his skin and damp hair in his eyes, but tonight all he could think of was Conrad's face as he explained the mechanics of male Mazoku childbirth.
"Nothing," he said weakly, letting his head flop back down. Wolfram made an impatient noise.
"You've been quiet all day." Wolfram pulled himself up onto the bed to sit cross-legged next to Yuuri. "Just spill it, wimp."
"Conrad gave me the Talk this morning." Wolfram looked blank. "You know, the Talk…" Yuuri nudged Wolfram's leg with his elbow.
"The…oh!" A small blush ran over Wolfram's nose. "That talk. You didn't…"
"I didn't know that I could," Yuuri glanced at Wolfram's face, then down to Wolfram's stomach and quickly away again, "with you, because I can't…that we, and you…I didn't know that."
"Idiot," Wolfram chided, growing even more red. "Do you think they'd let the Maou have a male fiancé if there wasn't any chance of an heir?"
"I hadn't thought about it," Yuuri admitted.
"Clearly," Wolfram sniffed. "Obviously the royal family needs heirs."
"The royal family," Yuuri murmured. Was that what they were? Or what they were going to be? Was he part of Wolfram's, or were they starting a new one? Whose last name would they use?! "This is giving me a headache."
"Then stop thinking about it and go to sleep," Wolfram advised, untucking his legs and stretching. "So long as we do it safely, we won't have to worry about royal heirs yet."
"Safely?" Yuuri had been a little fried by the time Conrad had starting going on about safe sex, and Wolfram's thin, scary smile was back. "What does that mean?"
"It means," Wolfram leaned over Yuuri, "that you'll be on the bottom, human."
ETA: I completely had Gunter and Gwendal's names reversed the whole way through and didn't notice until after I'd put it up at kyou_kara_maou. OMG SO EMBARRASSING. thanks to fencer_x for calling me an idiot very, very nicely.
you bastards have to start watching KKM so somebody can beta my ass.