August 28th, 2004


it was almost like cooking

for anybody cooking for themselves in a less than organized manner, here's a little recipe for you.

Sara and Ellen's Chili (the We Have Two of the Right Ingrediants Remix)

  • A small fistful of spagetti noodles snapped in half
  • About four cubic inches of a frozen ham roast left over from making ham and green beans
  • half a can of black beans and a handful of garbonzo beans left over from attempting to make black bean hummus
  • a few cilantro leaves left over from the same hummus
  • a package of McCormick Sloppy Joe mix that randomly came with the crockpot
  • about a cup of water because the back of the Sloppy Joe mix said so.


    1. Cook spaghetti noodles and drain, leaving in some of the water that the Sloppy Joe mix purports to need. Ask Ellen if it looks like about a cup of water, ignoring the fact that last time ellen estimated an amount of water, we had potato soup instead of mashed potatoes.

    2. Stir in the beans, cilantro, and Sloppy Joe mix. Peer at the results, wondering why there's blatantly too much water. Blame Ellen.

    3. Ignore the part where you are supposed to use ground beef or chicken or ground anything. Thaw the ham in the microwave and cut into small chunks. Discover you have a ridiculous amount of ham chunks. Stir in ham until you feel like there is nothing in the chili except for ham. Snack on half-frozen ham chunks during the rest of preparation. OPTIONAL: feed a few chunks to the rat. Have ellen fry the rest on the stove with some potatoes, ala trailerpark.

    4. Decide there is no way that as much as the water as you need to disappear is going to; toss in another bunch of spaghetti noodles.

    5. Peer with consternation at mixture as new noodles cook, occasionally stirring.

    6. Remove from heat. Mixture miraculously thickens and becomes chili! Offer thanks to the cooking deity of your choice.

    7. Commence shoveling.

    AN: my family's Chili properly prepared does indeed involve black beans and spaghetti noodles snapped in half. The real version also involves kidney beans and hamburger, plus a bunch of other stuff that i couldn't really detail for you. Whatever normal people use to make chili that's hardly spicy at all because we are big wimps.
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