M: the fate of both bands hinges on the pair of them not be allowed to spend more than twenty consecutive minutes alone together, unsupervised
M: and that drops to about 15 if there's yogurt
darkeyedwolf: *is physically writhing in chair*
Title: The One Where Kame is Blue [Kame, Jin]
Rating/Warning: PG I suppose, for the phrase 'money shot'.
Summary: Jin is an adorable, bracelet jangling, natural disaster, and Kame is blue.
AN: er, I don't know anything about JE and press conferences or what Ueda's favorite food is, but I tried hard in the name of JE crack. *fails?*
The One Where Kame is Blue
"All I said," Kame snapped while Jin slouched in the makeup chair and laughed until the girl with the mascara started to tear up, "was that he was a cute kid."
Jin laughed harder. "His earrings were bigger than his NOSE!"
"Your belt buckle is bigger than your brain," Kame grumbled back, "and people still think you're cute."
"Ooh!" Jin writhed suddenly in his chair like he'd been stung, getting a streak of mascara across his cheek, and Kame threw up his arms for protection against the flailing, nearly taking the sobbing girl out with his elbow. Jin sheepishly fished his magenta cell phone out of his pocket. "Sorry. Oooh! It's a text from Pi!"
"No," Kame said flatly, reaching over to snatch the phone out of Jin's hand. Jin pouted. "No! What happened last time you talked to Yamashita right before a shoot?"
"Come ooooon!" Jin reached out, bracelets jangling, but Kame held the phone out of his reach, over their heads. "Junno was fine! We all laughed! Koki knew the Heimlich and everything."
"Nobody," Kame hissed, slipping the phone in his pocket and giving Jin a final warning look as he slid off the chair, "in their RIGHT MIND would do that with peanut butter M&Ms, and I don't care how many Yamashita said Uchi got in his mouth!"
"Mean!" Jin called after him, then turned to glance at the mascara streak in the mirror. "Oh leave it," he waved off the girl, who was brandishing the mascara stick like an automatic weapon. "It looks cool, don't you think? Here, do one on the other side!"
Two costume changes and a new makeup girl later, Jin draped himself casually over Kame's shoulder and let his chin dig into Kame's collarbone as he flashed a V and a wink at the camera.
"Kaaaaame-kun," he drawled, getting good and comfortable since the photographer had just yelled that they should look more tranquil, like a spring waterfall, please, whatever the hell that meant.
"I'm not giving you your phone back," Kame said without disturbing the panty-melting smile whose corner was pressed against Jin's cheek. "And it's not in that pocket."
"Hmm," Jin purred, shifting a little, and Kame's smile finally did falter for a second.
"That's not even a pocket, get away from me!" he hissed; the photographer squealed like a junior high tennis cheerleader and Jin slipped away to press his back up against Ueda's.
"Zipper's down," Koki commented from Kame's left, and when Kame's hands flew immediately to his artistically stressed jeans, Koki wrapped arms around his stomach, laughing, while Junno reached over to gently tug on the zipper attaching Kame's sleeve to his leather jacket.
"THAT'S the money shot!" the photographer yelled, and Junno smoothly drowned out Kame's choked expletive with a polite request to break for lunch.
"Here, here, take it!" Kame snapped as they were stripping off the electric blue leather pants, dropping Jin's phone into his outstretched hands. Jin made a high-pitched noise of glee and immediately thumbed a familiar string of numbers; Kame grumbled something under his breath and shoved at his pants.
"Hey," Nakamaru said, glancing over, "you look blue."
"I'm fine!" Kame shoved at his pants more and jerked his chin towards Jin. "Bakanishi's just being…"
"No, I mean you're BLUE!" Nakamaru pointed at Kame's upper thighs, and Kame blinked. The skin that he had managed to peel the leather pants down over, sure enough, was tinged distinctly blue.
"Oh NO." Kame poked the skin, then shoved the pants down farther and poked again. "The lights were hot! I was sweating! The dye must've…"
"What the HELL is THIS?" Ueda demanded from the next clothing rack over. Junno, Nakamaru, and Koki immediately reached for their own belts and shoved their pants down to find that they were all, indeed, blue.
"Hey guys!" Jin bounced back over, waving his phone. "You'll never guess where…" Jin trailed off and got a good look at his five bandmates, all staring at each other with pants down around their thighs. "Are we having one of those parties? Can I be It?!"
"…right around the corner!" Jin smiled winningly. "And down a few alleyways…hey, and some guy even got killed near there! And Pi says that Ryo said they have the best eel!"
Ueda's mouth turned down at the corner as soon as Jin said 'Ryo.' "I'm just gonna grab something from a vending machine and practice," he said, giving Jin a little wave with his fingers and then turning to head back to the ready room.
"Aw, Uebo, don't be like that…" Jin started, reaching out to snag Ueda's sleeve, but Kame put a hand on his shoulder and Jin let his arm drop with a sigh. "You guys want to come though, right?"
"Sure," Nakamaru shrugged, and Koki nodded.
"I'm not really hungry," Junno gave Jin an apologetic smile, "and I want to try and get the dye off. I have this lotion that takes almost anything off…" Junno paused, frowning thoughtfully. "But then again, it makes your skin all greasy once you use it, and I'm not sure I have an extra pair of shorts here, and…"
"We'll pass!" interrupted Koki and Nakamaru simultaneously, then hustled a still-mumbling Junno off down the hall.
"Kameeee," Jin turned his pout up to full wattage, "you'll come with me, riiiiight?"
"Oh, what the hell." Kame tried to fight it, but it was impossible not to return Jin's blinding grin. "I'm already blue."
"Just you two, hmm?" Ryo asked when Kame and Jin finally entered the sushi place, Kame pushing Jin quickly through the doorway and glancing nervously over his shoulder. Uchi was enduring having his collar straightened, and Yamapi turned with a grin as soon as he heard Ryo's greeting.
"Can't imagine why," Kame said, letting out a sigh of relief when the door swung firmly shut behind him. Just as Jin called Pi's name and bounced on his toes a few times.
"Didn't you tell them that there'd be no one around to see them?" Yamapi wanted to know while they were doing the new version of the secret handshake, the one with the explosion sound effect at the end. "And about all the back alleyways and the dead guy? KA-POW!"
"Yeah!" Jin bobbed his head, eyebrows pinched in confusion. "It doesn't make any sense to me either! Hey, look, a fishtank!"
"Well, aren't those two energetic?" Ryo smirked as Jin and Yamapi scampered off to press up against the aquarium glass and puff out their cheeks at the ornamental fish in question.
"You realize," Kame said, bumping fists with Uchi, "that the survival of both our bands depends on those two not spending more than twenty minutes together unsupervised?"
"Oh, lighten up." Ryo let Uchi finally knock his hands away with an indulgent smile. "What kind of trouble can they possibly get into in a sushi ba—"
"OH! Look, Pi, they have YOGURT!"
"Fifteen minutes," Kame amended as Ryo's smirk turned into a frown.
"And in conclusion," Johnny Kitagawa glowered sternly into the camera, "I can assure you that everyone involved will soon be reflecting deeply on their actions."
"Holy hell," Koki said as he, Nakamaru, Ueda, and a sleepy-eyed Junno turned from the TV to stare at Jin, "what did you do?"
"It wasn't my fault!" Jin protested, holding his hands behind his back and shaking his head fervently enough to jingle his necklaces. "It was Kame's! He's blue!"
"You're the one who picked these pants in the first place, you son of a bitch!" Kame roared.
"You did?" Ueda inquired, crossing his arms, and Jin swallowed and turned just a bit pink.
"Maybe," he wheedled, "but I brought you a present!" Jin pulled his hands out from behind his back to present a takeout container with both hands and a bowed head, and Ueda's expression softened just a bit. Jin lifted his head just enough to sneak a peek at Ueda through his bangs. "It's your faaaavorite…"
"Bakanishi," Ueda murmured, taking the container and hiding his smile by popping the lid open to peer inside.
"Hey, where's our present?" Nakamaru wanted to know.
"Your present is the long vacation we'll suddenly have when Johnny gets through with us," Kame said, collapsing into a nearby chair.
"The lobsters were cute!" Jin insisted. "Their little rubber bracelets matched mine and they needed to be free! They—OH!" Jin cut off suddenly, wriggling and digging around in his jeans pocket. He produced his cell phone, and his face lit up when he saw the number flashing on the screen. "Hey, it's—"
"NO!" shouted every KAT-TUN member except Ueda, whose mouth was full of eel.