Rating/Warnings: PG-13? Um, mpreg. *cries*
Summary: Jin thought this only happened to stupid girls.
AN: I'm such a bad person. I should kill myself right now. i totally have more gackt-chan adventures planned.
"Our kids," Jin said with wide eyes, "would be sooooo pretty!"
"They would!" Yamapi exclaimed, twisting his head up from where it was resting on Jin's lap to get a better look at his face. He reached up to twiddle a piece of Jin's hair. "They'd have your hair!"
"And your pout!"
"And your pink!"
"I'm going to VOMIT," Kame announced, "you freaks."
Jin and Yamapi turned their heads to grin at Kame and made a heart shape with their fingers.
"I mean," Kame lowered his magazine to peer at them over it, "seriously, not only would your children suffer from a debilitating need to chase after shiny things, but what idiot would leave you two twits in charge of a small, helpless little ba—"
Kame was completely unprepared for Jin to burst into tears.
"Jin!" Yamapi scrambled up to his knees and pushed Jin's hair out of his face, while Jin wiped at his eyes and scowled. Yamapi glared at Kame over his shoulder. "What'd you say that for?!"
"I…but…" Kame blinked and set his magazine down. "Jin, cut it out, you aren't really crying…are you really crying?"
"Of course he's really crying!" Yamapi snapped, pushing Jin's head down against his shoulder and letting Jin snuffle into his shirt. "Because you're a jackass!"
"No," Jin sniffled, "Kame's right. We shouldn't be in charge of a tiny little baby!"
"Well, okay, maybe not," Yamapi said cautiously, brow knitting. "But—Jin!" Jin started sniffling louder. "Jin-chan, what's wrong?!"
"I didn't want to tell you like this!" Jin wailed, making Yamapi and Kame freeze.
"O-okay," Kame said slowly, "Jin, you can't be saying…what I…you…you just can't!"
"I thought this only happened to stupid girls!" Jin exclaimed, and Yamapi's eyes got very wide.
"No, seriously," Koki asked, "what's this meeting really about?"
"And why is Yamapi here?" Junno raised his hand.
"And what's with you and the vitamins?" Ueda wanted to know, eyeing the package of Kamen Rider ELECTRIC STRAWBERRY FLAVOR tablets Jin had been nibbling on steadily for the past few mornings. "Do you have a parasite or something?"
"Nope!" Jin reached out and wrapped an arm around Yamapi's waist, squeezing him close with a proud grin. "WE'RE having a parasite!"
"You have to eat something," Ueda said, crossing his arms and eyeing Jin firmly, and as Jin opened his mouth, added, "Something healthy."
"I can't even keep down crackers and juice!" Jin protested, crinkling the cracker bag in demonstration.
"Those are wasabi crackers and hyper sour raspberry juice." Ueda reached over to snatch the violently purple can out of Jin's hand.
"DIET hyper sour raspberry juice!"
"Here." Ueda plunked another can down on the table, this one a much more subdued green. "This will make you feel better."
"It looks boring, Uebo!" Jin pouted sadly at Ueda, but Ueda was wearing the 'put on the handcuffs because I said so' expression, so Jin wrapped a reluctant hand around the can. "It doesn't match my shirt."
"Nothing of this world matches that shirt," Ueda reported crisply, which actually made Jin perk up a little. "This is called 'ginger ale.' Gin-ja-a-ru," Ueda repeated more deliberately when Jin cocked his head like a puzzled Labrador.
"Ginger ale?" Jin repeated, then laughed. "Gin-ja-a-ru, Jin ga aru!"
"You won't exist much longer if you don't eat something that's actually made out of food." Ueda gave him the handcuff look again. "Drink."
"Nngh!" Jin made a face after the first swallow of ginger ale. "This doesn't make my taste buds explode in a bacchanalian fiesta, Uebo."
"And stop watching so much television!"
Yamapi stared at Jin like he had totally lost his mind. "Stop?"
"I just…" Jin squirmed, or tried to, but the way Yamapi's elbows were resting on Jin's thighs made it kind of impossible. "I feel weird."
"Blowjobs are strange and moving things." Yamapi nodded sagely.
"That's not what I mean!" Jin's hands fidgeted on the bare skin of Yamapi's shoulders. "We're going to be parents, Pi! We should be modeling respectable behavior, not…you know…right in front of the…the it."
"Ryo's book said it doesn't even have eyes yet." Yamapi's hands were starting to move too, creeping closer to their original position of doing away with Jin's zipper.
Jin caught at his wrists and looked pleading. "Pi?"
"Aw, you're serious." Yamapi pouted, then scrambled back up onto the couch beside Jin. He pushed Jin down onto his back and draped himself over Jin's chest, nuzzling Jin's collarbone. "It'll be fine, idiot. Stop worrying."
"I'm not worried," Jin mumbled, despite the fact that he hadn't turned down a blowjob in, well, ever, except for that time he and Kame had been house-sitting and that was only because the eyes on Ueda's Gackt poster seemed to always be staring at his crotch.
"Remember when Junno gave you that digital pet?" Yamapi asked. He was tickling Jin's ribs with light fingertips, making Jin's stomach butterfly. "And you didn't like the first one you got, but Ryo wouldn't let you reset it?"
"It didn't match my stuff!" Jin thought about the way he'd tried to shove the beeping thing in his jeans pocket and forget about it, but he couldn't have fit post-it notes in the pockets of those particular jeans. "But it got cute later." Even if the games had been too hard and Jin had to bribe Nakamaru to win them for him.
"You got used to it," Yamapi said, poking him a little. "And then we couldn't pry the thing out of your hands. This is going to be like that, Bakanishi, you'll see."
"It won't match my stuff?" Jin chewed his lip, because if Ryo hadn't let him trade in a bunch of pixels, he was probably going to be even more serious about a whole person.
"No, I mean you'll get used to it!"
"You think so?" Jin asked, chest loosening a little, but Yamapi sat up to straddle Jin properly and kissed him rather than answering his question.
"It's cause you're not stretching enough," Koki informed him, arms crossed.
"I said, touch them!"
Huffing a sigh, Jin tried to make his spine bend further, reaching for his toes and ignoring the persistant ache in his lower back as best he could.
"I'll help!" Junno chirped, and Jin gave a surprised 'Oof!' as Junno's weight landed on his shoulders and forced him further down.
Then suddenly something in Jin's back gave a tooth-grinding crack and Jin found himself clutching the toe of his limited edition Dekaranger print hi-tops.
"I did it!" he crowed, then reached behind him to grab ahold of a surprised Junno's shirt and yank down into the floor with a crash.
"But Kame," Jin's eyes were huge and pleading, "I can't go out there!"
"You look fine," Kame assured for the thousandth time, fixing his eyeliner in the mirror of the dressing room. "No one can tell."
"I'm too fat to go on stage!" Jin wailed, and Kame finally turned around to find Jin waving desperately at the open button on his jeans. "They'll fire me and I won't have the protection of Johnny's team of trained lawyers and I'll be taken to a laboratory to be experimented on and I'll get all pasty from being locked underground and…"
"HERE." Kame yanked off his plaid overshirt and flung it around Jin's waist, tying the sleeves into a knot over his right hip. "You look perfect."
"Re~ally?" Jin peered through his bangs at Kame, one of his pupil-dilating smiles starting at the corners of his mouth.
"Yes," answered Kame, because his eyes were going to have to adjust to the blinding stage lights anyway. He stepped closer and ran fingers over the strip of skin just peeking out between the tied shirt and Jin's unbuttoned jeans. "Very sexy."
"You're just saying that to get me out on stage," Jin pouted, but his eyes were half-lidded and bright.
"No," Kame said, palming Jin's skin until he laughed, because he totally was.
"Hey," Jin reached down and shoved at Yamapi's head. "What're you doing?"
"Music makes babies smarter," Yamapi reported, lifting his head up from where his cheek had been pillowed against Jin's stomach, Jin's pink tank top rucked up a few inches. "So I'm humming our new single."
Jin raised an eyebrow. "I didn't hear anything."
"That's cause it's a secret!" Yamapi retorted. "You can't hear it yet!" He brought his hand up to cup around his mouth and make sure the sound waves were only sinking into the gentle rise of the bump his cheek was lying on.
"That tickles!" Jin protested, squirming, then laughing and squirming harder when Yamapi grabbed his hips to hold him still. Finally Jin reached down and hauled Yamapi up by the armpits until his chin was resting against Jin's shoulder.
"Jea~lous?" Yamapi asked, nuzzling's Jin's neck.
"You only love me for my bump," Jin grumbled, turning his head so that Yamapi could placate him with a kiss.
"If I had known there would be parties…" Jin's eyes sparkled, and Kame informed him hastily that baby showers were only for the first kid.
"Open mine next!" Junno said, bouncing a little in the metal folding chair he was sitting in backwards. Jin gleefully dug into the gift bag, shreds of pink and purple tissue paper poofing up into the air around him.
"Cute!" Jin exclaimed when he pulled out the hot pink onesies with music notes printed all over them. He squealed even louder when he found a matching shirt underneath which was probably made for a seven-year-old but would totally fit Jin. Yamapi asked if Jin wanted to JanKenPon for it.
Off to the side there was a tinny "FUUUU!" and Kame held up the pullstring Hard Gay doll and informed Nakamaru that there was absolutely no way this was going near anybody's child, much less Jin and Pi's, who would need all the help it could get in the first place.
"Time for games!" Koki announced, holding up a roll of toilet paper. "You have to guess how many pieces it will take to go around Jin-chan!"
"Aw, I thought we were going to TP Johnny's house again"! Uchi complained, and Ryo informed him tartly that it was exactly those sorts of suggestions that meant they couldn't make out during NewS photo shoots for another couple months.
"Hey COOL!" Yamapi exclaimed, starting a scuffle with Jin over the clacking, dangly keys.
"Please, Ryo?" Jin begged. "You know I'm not allowed to go outside!"
"Akanishi," there was a crackling noise as Ryo shifted the phone, "what on earth makes you think I know where one would find blue raspberry whipped yogurt and pickles at this time of night? And shouldn't this be Yamashita's job?"
"He's trapped at a shoot." Jin said in a small voice, tugging his knees closer to his chest and watching the red digital clock change from 2:46 to 2:47 AM. "I haven't seen him for the last couple days, just text messages."
"Jin…" Somebody on the other end of the phone said something and there was another crackle as Ryo covered the phone to answer; Jin thought he recognized Uchi's voice and felt immediately stupid.
"Don't worry about it!" he forced himself to sound bright, to grin because it would sound in his voice, like when he'd looked into three cameras and out over thousands of fans and five bandmates and announced his hiatus from KAT-TUN. "I'm sleepy all the sudden anyway, I'll just—"
"We're coming over, Jin," Ryo cut him off. "Get dressed."
And then the phone was silent in his hand, and Jin swore because Ryo was always too damned smart, and he got up to find some jeans and tried not to think about how you pronounced KT-TUN.
When the intercom buzzed, Jin pressed the button to release the door without answering, thinking that if it was a crazed fan who wanted to mug him for his panties it would totally serve Yamapi right, but when he opened the door, there was only Ryo in a soft leather jacket, a sleepy Uchi leaning his cheek against Ryo's shoulder.
"The convenience store only had green tea ice cream," Ryo said, holding up the convenience store bag. "But I did find pickles, the little circular ones you like—" and then Jin cut Ryo off by throwing arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly.
Someone stroked Jin's hair, and he opened one eye to find Uchi, face still pressed against Ryo's jacket, smiling at him.
All three of them crawled into Jin's bed, tossing jackets and jeans to the floor. Jin left the lights off but turned on the TV that sat at the end of his bed, and they watched bad game shows and ate ice cream right out of the carton with only two spoons, and the look on Ryo's face when he accidentally ate one of Jin's pickles with his ice cream made Jin and Uchi laugh until Jin snorted a pickle up his nose.
They fell asleep with Jin tangled in between them, head resting on Uchi's chest and Ryo curled around his back. It was still pitch dark when Jin woke up to Ryo shoving at his shoulder and pressing his phone against Jin's ear.
"H'lo?" Jin slurred, wondering why the inside of his mouth tasted like a brine shrimp had died there.
"You weren't answering your phone," Yamapi said, voice thin and exhausted and warm with relief. "You okay?"
"Mmhmm." Jin let his eyes fall shut again; Ryo was reaching over Jin to palm Uchi's hip, making him shift against Jin in his sleep. "C'mover."
"I'm already here," Yamapi said, and then the intercom buzzed and Jin laughed and struggled to climb out from in between Ryo and Uchi who rolled back together like water as soon as he was gone and he didn't bother with the jeans this time.
"Hey, look!" Jin pointed at the TV, reaching over to smack Ueda, who was on Jin-watching duty this afternoon. On the TV were a bunch of natives on some tropical island, the kind with the tattoos and the bones that meant Ueda would be talking Jin out of various piercings for days. "That's one of me and Pi's secret handshakes!"
"On a nature show?" Ueda peered at the TV closer. "In English?"
"They were playing this late one night when Pi was staying over." Jin scratched his head. "That was months ago, before…" Jin waved vaguely at his bump, which was anything but little at this point. "We stole their secret handshake."
"That's not a…" Ueda scrunched his brow, trying to understand the English of the narrator and punch Jin in the arm to get him to shut up. "It's a…oh Jin!"
Ueda doubled over with laughter suddenly, almost tipping himself off the couch, and it took a good five minutes for him to choke out the words "fertility ritual."
"Quit making fun of me!" Jin scowled, lifting a foot to shove Ueda to the floor, but Ueda just went right on laughing, curled up in a ball that made his white t-shirt ride most of the way up his back.
When Ueda fumbled his cell phone out of his pocket and went to hit Kame's speed dial, Jin tackled him, baby or no baby.
"I got here as fast as I could!" yelled Kame as he slammed open the door to Jin's private hospital room. "Is Jin okay?!"
"Kameeeeeeee!" Jin's grin was almost as dilated as his pupils, and Koki leaned over to whisper to Kame that the anesthetic hadn't exactly worn off yet. "They said I could even wear a bikini again!"
Kame gave a shaky laugh as his panic started dying down, and glanced around the room. Yamapi was sitting in a chair next to Jin's bed, grinning like an idiot in his crinkly green hospital gown and letting Jin yank at his wrist and exclaim over their matching hospital bracelets. Ueda was slumped in the other hospital chair with his arm thrown over his eyes, looking pale but otherwise fine. Koki and Junno were taking off their jackets, having arrived only a few minutes before Kame, and Junno explained that Nakamaru would be here just as soon as he picked up Ryo and Uchi from the interview they'd been at when Jin had gone into labor.
"Went into labor," Kame repeated, then started laughing because Jin had gone into labor and his bump was kind of gone and the c-section hadn't been scheduled for another four days and he might have yelled "JIN is having a BABY" in front of a whole soundstage when the stupid photographer hadn't let him flee the set immediately after Ueda's phone call.
"Ueda was so coooool," Jin announced, and Kame assumed it was because of the drugs again until Yamapi told the story about Jin collapsing and the car refusing to start and Ueda hijacking a taxi, leaving the driver on the sidewalk with his hands tied up by a long, thin, white scarf.
"I'm going to be on the news," Ueda groaned. "I'm going to be sent on hiatus too," and for some reason that broke the tension in the room and made everybody laugh hard enough to gasp, except for Jin who was occupied with the way the blankets were nubbly.
Just after a nurse, who looked rather disgruntled about the number of people hanging around in Jin's room, ushered in Nakamaru, Ryo, and Uchi, another nurse stick her head in and asked if Jin would like to see the baby.
"Baby?" Jin let his head loll towards Yamapi, eyes wide. "Who's got a baby?"
"Yes, we would," Yamapi said quickly, flicking Jin's temple with a finger, and the nurse went back out into the hallway.
When she came back in with the pink-blanketed bundle, Jin sat up immediately, some of the drug-haze clearing off his features, although not enough that he didn't exclaim, "Look, Pi, she matches," when the baby was settled in his lap and he caught sight of her hospital bracelet.
"Jin had a girl?" Ryo asked, stunned, then started laughing. "Damn, she really did get Yamashita's pink!"
"She got more than that," Kame murmured, leaning over to touch the soft tufts of dark hair on top of the baby's head. She watched him with big, liquid eyes and Kame knew that they would all be screwed by the time the kid turned two.
"Hello, baby," Jin was saying, ignoring everybody else in favor of grinning hazily at his daughter. "I'm your okaasanishi!"
"And since Ueda saved the day," Yamapi grinned as Ueda sunk even further into his chair, "we've decided to name her in his honor."
"Say hi to everybody, Gackt-chan!" Jin cooed, holding her up, and Gackt-chan blinked at them all for a second before giving a screech that made Jin and Yamapi grin at each other proudly.
"She'll be the youngest Junior ever," Yamapi exclaimed, and Kame reached over to hit the nurse's call button so he could ask for some of Jin's drugs.