Rating/Warnings: PG-13 because Junsu's solution is to make out.
Summary: International_Huge gets deleted from Fanfiction.net.
AN: for swtjemz because I miss her! I really have no idea whether there is a Korean version of ff.net, but I wanted to use an archive that people would be familiar with. Also, this may or may not be something that completely happened to me about two years ago.
"Jae!" Changmin called from the other room. "Where's that one fic of yours?"
Jaejoong, who was standing at the foot of his bed and trying to simultaneously fold laundry and figure out who owned Dekaranger boxers, yelled back, "What?"
"You know! The one with Junsu and the peach and the really long spoon?"
"It's called 'Just Desserts!'" Jaejoong reached up to scratch the bandana covering his hair. Why didn't any of Yunho's socks match? "I just linked it the other day!"
"Yeah, but the link's dead!"
"Changmin, I don't know!" Jaejoong finally exploded, throwing down a sock that was half purple and half silver. "Just go to Fanfiction.net and look up my profile!"
"Fine, I'm coming!" Jaejoong picked up the boxers in one hand and scooped up half a dozen mateless socks with the other, dumping the socks in the small trashcan on his way out of the room.
In the living room, Changmin was sitting in the middle of the couch, Jaejoong's laptop in his lap, staring at a screen which informed him that there were no search results. Changmin tilted his head back against the couch to look up at Jaejoong. "I can't find you. And what are you doing with my underwear?"
"You're spelling it wrong or something." Jaejoong yanked Changmin's boxers down over his head, elastic first, like a silly hat, then climbed over the back of couch to land in the seat next to Changmin. He took his laptop out of Changmin's hands and typed in the search field.
"I can spell 'International_Huge' obviously!" Changmin protested, pushing the boxers back up over his eyes but not taking them off so that he looked like a nun gone wrong and glow-in-the-dark.
"It's not coming up." Jaejoong looked up at Changmin, then back down at the screen. "How can it not be coming up?"
"Try checking under the fandom's category," Changmin suggested, reaching towards the computer and getting his hand slapped away.
"Wait, I have my profile bookmarked," Jaejoong mumbled to himself, but another click still got him the same message of no user of that name.
Suddenly, Jaejoong knew exactly what had happened.
"What?" Changmin took a look at Jaejoong's face, then edged back an inch. "What is it?"
"They…they deleted me!" Jaejoong's cheeks had two spots of bright pink. "I'VE BEEN DELETED! WHO THE HELL GOT ME DELETED?!"
"Hey!" Yunho stuck his head around the corner into the living room. "What's all the yelling about? And why are my socks in the trash? And why does Changmin have underwear on his…"
"I've been deleted!" Jaejoong roared, turning the laptop so Yunho could see. Changmin edged back even further and looked at Yunho, eyes pleading for protection.
"Oh hell," Yunho said, just as Jaejoong's lower lip started to tremble.
"You posted the one about Junsu and the spoon didn't you?" Yunho asked a little while later. He was slumped on the couch, shirt totally unbuttoned; Jaejoong was lying on his stomach with his head in Yunho's lap, wearing only sweatpants. Changmin had been sent to find dinner at whatever takeout place would take him more than an hour to get back from; Yoochun and Junsu were still out shopping.
"Yes," Jaejoong answered miserably. Yunho was tracing the lines of Jaejoong's tattoo with his fingertips, fingers swirling lazily over the ink.
"You knew the rules about explicit stuff," Yunho reminded. "You read the TOS, didn't you?"
"Yesss," Jaejoong whined, rubbing his forehead against Yunho's leg. "But I like having all my stuff in one place!"
"You shouldn't really even be upset." Yunho drummed his fingers on Jaejoong's back. "I don't know why you post there. The fic is terrible and half of the reviewers are some sort of religious fanatic."
"That just makes me feel worse!" Jaejoong wailed. "They let all the freaks on, but they kick me off?!"
Just then the door opened and Junsu's voice rang out through the house.
"Jaejoong! We were at the internet café, and the worst thing…oh, you already know."
Jaejoong rolled over to face the other two just as 80 kg of Junsu landed hard on his chest and hugged him fiercely, making him grunt.
"I'm sorry you got deleted!" he exclaimed. Then he lifted his head to look at Yunho. "Wait, this isn't a prank again, is it?"
Yunho bared his teeth; Junsu went back to hugging Jaejoong, apparently satisfied.
"You posted the one about Junsu and the spoon, didn't you?" Yoochun asked, bending down to scoop Jaejoong's bandana off the floor and smoothing it out between his palms. "Didn't you read the…"
"YES, okay?!" Jaejoong snapped miserably, snuggling down to hide farther under Junsu. "I know, but I read other people's explicit stuff on there all the time! Ff.net is where I learned that trick with my piercing!"
"Nnnngh," said Yunho and Yoochun at the same time; Junsu wanted to know what this fic they all kept talking about involved because hadn't got to read it yet.
Changmin returned with dinner at that point, and Yunho gave Jaejoong's hair a final scrunch before easing out from under him and going with Yoochun and Changmin to the kitchen. Jaejoong whined a little in the back of his throat and tilted his head backwards to watch Yunho go.
He turned his head back to find Junsu watching him expectantly, chin pillowed on his hands. "About this story…"
"Oh, all right," Jaejoong sighed, "but scootch up," and Junsu obediently let Jaejoong sit up enough to pillow his head comfortably against the arm of the couch and reach over to pick up his laptop from the coffee table. When Jaejoong was comfortable with the laptop on his chest, Junsu settled back down, wedged in between Jaejoong and the back of the couch so that he could see the screen too.
"Well?" he asked.
"Keep your pants on," Jaejoong grumbled, clicking through some files. "The post is gone, but I still have the file in here…there it is."
"It's about me, right?" Junsu asked, laying his head down on Jaejoong's shoulder to read. "Is it good?"
"Not good enough for fanfiction.net," Jaejoong said quietly, and Junsu rubbed his palm soothingly against Jaejoong's collarbone.
"Dinner's ready, you two!" Yunho hollered out of the kitchen.
It was a few minutes before Junsu and Jaejoong shuffled into the kitchen, Junsu smoothing down his hair and Jaejoong running his tongue over his puffy lower lip.
"All I'm saying is, if you were gonna get deleted," Junsu was saying, "that was a hell of a fic to get deleted for!"
"That doesn't make me feel any better," Jaejoong murmured, taking the bowl of noodles Yunho was offering him, and Junsu's shoulders slumped a little.
"This one's for you," Yoochun said, handing Junsu a bowl, and Junsu stuck his tongue out when he looked down and found a bowl of sweet rice and peaches.
"So," Changmin said, slurping a noodle, "what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know." Jaejoong popped a piece of pork in his mouth and chewed slowly. "I'm in the middle of writing something else, but…what's the point, you know? When all your stuff can just go…" Jaejoong waved his chopsticks vaguely in a motion that could have indicated the great scheme of the cosmos, or maybe a squiggle.
"Jaejoong, leave the temper tantrums to SuJu, hmm?" Yunho tapped the end of Jaejoong's nose with his own chopsticks.
"It's not a temper tantrum!" Jaejoong exclaimed, stomping his foot, and Yunho had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing and getting murdered.
Yoochun and Changmin weren't as restrained.
"I'm not very hungry," Jaejoong said, setting his bowl down on the counter with a whunk and stomping out of the kitchen, snatching his bandana out of Yoochun's pocket on the way by.
"Smooth," said Yunho, glaring at the others. Junsu and Changmin winced when the bedroom door slammed.
A half hour later, Yunho knocked on the bedroom door and asked if Jaejoong wanted to eat. He didn't get any response besides a muffled sort of whine, so he cautiously opened the door.
Jaejoong was lying on the bed on his back, a magazine flopped over his face. Yunho sat down beside him and peeled the magazine off Jaejoong's skin, then held out the reheated bowl of noodles.
"Come on, eat something," he said, catching Jaejoong's shoulder when Jaejoong tried to roll away. "It'll make you feel better."
Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Jaejoong hitched himself up high enough against the pillows to take the bowl and ate a mouthful of noodles as though it were torture, then scowled harder when his stomach growled loudly.
"I know I'm overreacting, okay?" he said after another minute.
"I know you are," Yunho said, sliding an arm around Jaejoong's shoulders and scrunching his hair a little, and neither one of them said anything else while Jaejoong ate.
"I wish people would stop telling me what will make me feel better," Jaejoong grumbled. He tried to scowl, but he had so much eyeliner on that he could barely move the top half of his face.
"Mmhmm," Changmin hummed, tilting the laptop screen so the light was better. He looked kind of silly perched on the makeup chair in his sleeveless leather vest, betaing Jaejoong's half-finished porn. But then again, it had been his idea that getting some feedback on what he'd already written would help kickstart Jaejoong out of his sulk. "You love it. You can't even remember what we used to do while we were waiting before this."
"I think we used to make out." Jaejoong slumped further in his own chair and twiddled a makeup brush between his fingers. "But that at least explains why the stylists have stopped being so exasperated with us."
"Is it true you haven't been in chat all week?" Changmin asked, typing something, then erasing it, then typing again. "Do they think you're dead or something?"
"I announced I was on hiatus. Everybody knows about the…" Jaejoong waved a hand in a quick, angry motion, "…about the thing."
"Yunho said they were asking about you," Changmin said. He raised his eyes to glance at Jaejoong over the laptop. "Your loyal fanbase."
"Quit teasing." Jaejoong threw the brush at Changmin's head, and Changmin slapped it away with a grin. "Can't we make out instead, please?"
"You've done quite enough of that this week," Changmin replied primly, shifting on the wood of the chair and hoping that wherever the other two had taken Junsu he was taking a nap because he'd looked about ready to keel over. "And it doesn't seem to be improving your mood, just your flexibility."
"Better than nothing," Jaejoong said, and, really, if he slouched any more he would just be a puddle of Lycra and hairspray on the floor.
"Okay," Changmin stood up and grabbed Jaejoong's wrist to drag him out of his chair and over to the couch so they could sit side-by-side, and plunked the laptop down in his lap, "there's nothing wrong with this, and you know it, and you're going to finish it, and post it, and everything will go back to normal."
"How do you know?" Jaejoong asked, but he put his hands on the keyboard anyway and didn't push Changmin away when he curled along Jaejoong's side and rested his cheek against Jaejoong's shoulder. "You're smudging my spray-on tattoo."
"Finish that page before we have to go on-set and I'll smudge the real one," Changmin promised, voice a warm murmur in Jaejoong's ear.
They were just getting started when a sleepy-eyed Junsu stumbled back into the dressing room and made it really worth Jaejoong's while.
"He keeps yawning every time they ask him a question," Yunho hissed during the interview. "What did you do?"
"Nothing Changmin didn't tell me too," Jaejoong murmured back, touching the tip of his tongue to the corner of his mouth and giving a slow blink that made Yunho curse and fold his hands carefully in his lap.
He still didn't feel back to normal though, not really, not even with Changmin promising to proof-read and get the beta back to him in a couple hours and then locking himself in his room.
Jaejoong wandered into the living room and found Yoochun sitting in front of the couch, legs crossed and hands resting palm up on his knees, eyes closed.
"Find inner peace yet?" Jaejoong asked, purposefully bumping Yoochun's shoulder with his own when he sat down heavily next to him, shoving the coffee table farther out of the way to accommodate his long legs.
"Get your groove back yet?" Yoochun asked in return, eyes opening just enough to be a dark glimmer underneath his lashes. "Seems to me you might be in the market for a little inner peace."
Jaejoong cursed at Yoochun mildly and let Yoochun move him around until he was the one with his legs crossed and his hands on his knees.
"Say 'ohm,'" Yoochun instructed, then laid his head in Jaejoong's lap and stretched out on his back, all loose-limbed comfort.
"Tell me this will make me feel better." Jaejoong closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No inner peace yet, although Yoochun's coconut shampoo smelled pretty good.
"How would I know if it will?" Jaejoong felt Yoochun's shrug against his calves. "But maybe it'll give you a minute to think about why getting kicked off a third-rate fanfiction site upsets you so much."
"I'm not…" Jaejoong started, face scrunching automatically.
"Just think about it," Yoochun interrupted, and he ran light fingers over Jaejoong's knee, making him give a little shiver.
Jaejoong took another deep breath and thought about it. He thought about staring down at the computer in confusion, because of course Changmin could spell International_Huge, and the weird shock in his stomach when the bookmark had come up 404.
"It just caught me off-guard," Jaejoong said finally, and Yoochun gave an encouraging little "Mm-hmm." "I made friends there, you know? And all my reviews were there, and I had a bunch of favorites marked there, and people knew where to find me…I liked it there."
"I know." Jaejoong opened his eyes and found Yoochun looking back up at him, watching him. "But your stuff is all on your computer still, right?"
"My fics are." Jaejoong nodded. "And my reviews are in my email." Jaejoong reached up to scratch the back of his head. "I guess I didn't lose anything really, did I?"
"Just your head, Boo Jae." Yoochun reached up to flick Jaejoong between the eyes, but it didn't really hurt since he couldn't do it well backwards, and Jaejoong laughed. "How about that inner peace?"
"Yeah, yeah, teacher Yoochun." Jaejoong flicked Yoochun back. "How'd you get so enlightened, anyway?"
"I am a bodhisattva," Yoochun answered, closing his eyes, voice a satisfied purr as Jaejoong's flick turned into the stroke of his fingers through Yoochun's hair. "Sent to save souls via the medium of literary erotica."
"Hmm," said Jaejoong thoughtfully.
"I have announcement!" Jaejoong announced when the other four had come into the living room and were seated on the couch, Junsu half on Yoochun's lap and Changmin entirely sprawled across Yunho's. Jaejoong was sitting on the coffee table facing them, laptop open on his lap.
"Your porn is done?" Yunho asked.
"You're making us dinner?" Junsu asked.
"You're quitting the music industry and moving to a monastery in Nepal?" Yoochun asked, laughing when the other three turned to glare at him.
"Better!" Jaejoong grinned and turned the laptop around so they could see the screen. "I'm back on Fanfiction.net!"
"They un-deleted you?" Yoochun asked, and Jaejoong shook his head.
"Nah, I just got a new screenname," he said, shrugging.
"International_Huge_2?" Yunho raised an eyebrow. "How original."
"Shut up! Do you know how long it took me to pick a name the first time?" Jaejoong stuck his tongue out at Yunho, and Yunho called him a tease. "Anyway, everything's back up now."
"And there's new porn!" Junsu exclaimed, pouncing on the laptop and taking it out of Jaejoong's hands.
"It's good too," Changmin said lazily, the hand resting on his chest brushing casually against his nipple through his T-shirt.
"Won't they just delete you again?" Yoochun asked, turning a little so that Junsu could curl up more comfortably against him with the laptop.
"Maybe." Jaejoong let Changmin and Yunho pull him over to settle in between them, long legs dangling over the arm of the couch and tilting his head back to answer Yoochun. "But so what? With all the crap that's on there, I figured I should be like a bodhisattva to the people via the medium of decent fiction."
"I hope there's nothing in the TOS about plagiarism," Yoochun teased, and Jaejoong laughed.
"Hey!" Junsu chirped, nestling even tighter against Yoochun's side. "This one's about all of us!"
"Maybe you should read it out loud," Jaejoong suggested, letting Yunho pull his head back up for a kiss.
International_Huge: I'm officially un-hiatused
International_Huge: what should we do to celebrate
U_Know_Who: we could start by
U_Know_Who: finding out what asshat GOT ME DELETED
International_Huge: take a deep breath sweetie, its all about finding inner peace
U_Know_Who: turn your computer off and get over here and I'll find an inner piece of something all right