Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this

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I Fail At Secrets

thanks to marty, once in a while I read through about a million fandomsecrets in a row. some of them are funny, some of them are stupid, and some of them are heartbreaking. And I always sort of want to post a really good one, but the truth is that I can't think of anything I wouldn't say to everybody's face anyway.

so i jotted down a bunch of random things that probably would be secrets, if I weren't me:

*It's hard to tell what my very first fanfiction was, but I think it was the Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction that my brother and I co-authored (he wasn't old enough to write yet). If i found it, I would totally post it, without any shame at all.

*when I was 9, the very first person I ever had a crush on was James Bond Jr., and when I was 12, the second was Elisa Maza. I still think Elisa Maza is the most badass woman in any fandom ever. If i watch more than three Gargoyles episodes in a row, the crush returns full force and takes weeks to wear off, so I am relieved they haven't released James Bond Jr. on DVD yet.

*I was the only kid in my elementary school to like the x-men. everybody else liked Power Rangers, so i pretended they were my favorite instead, but really the episode where the green ranger lost his powers and had to leave the show is the moment I define as the end of my childhood.

*we used to have to keep journals in elementary school. In the 6th grade I wrote an entry in which I considered seriously the evidence that the pink ranger and the green ranger were in fact dating, and my teacher put a comment at the top of it which I'm sure she felt was harmless but made me so embarrassed that I still can't write fannish things out longhand. If it weren't for typing, none of you would even have any idea who I was.

*I just honestly have no idea what it is about slash that is so appealing. None at all. But I will say that I can count on one hand the number of fandoms that have female characters who don't make me want to kill myself, so maybe that has something to do with it.

*I really, honestly, truly believe at this point that somebody/people in Japan are stealing ideas from my livejournal. It happens far too often to be coincidental. I realize I sound paranoid and irrational when I say this, but I don't care, it has to be true. I just wish they would have listened to me about Ya-Ya-yah.

*Despite initial protest that it's creepy (which it is), that it's only minimally okay if you're sure the people don't read the language you're writing it in (which probably isn't even true), I have sunk so low into RPF that I consider it a good day if i'm only writing about the 16-year-old, an average day if I'm contemplating the best pairing for the 14-year-old, and a bad day only when I have bunnies that involve the 10-year-old. And his brother.

*The truth is that I didn't get really serious about learning to READ Japanese until I realized that nobody else was ever going to translate the 15-year-old's thoughts about dating the same girl as his brother except me.

*I'm also concerned that at this point I might be incapable of being physically attracted to non-asians.

*I would have quit graduate school during the first year if it weren't for livejournal. I think about that every day.

*it makes me really, really angry that my family made fun of me for learning Japanese. Even though they have basically stopped at this point, I'm still angry. And I think I might be forever.

*I know a lot of people think I've changed recently and can't figure out why, but the truth is that I've always been like this, I used to just hide it more. I spent hours a day playing sonic and mario when I was in grade school and you're just now realizing that I like anime and japanese music?

*I read my own fic, laugh out loud at it, and then paste bits of it to people over IM. I wish most other people in my fandoms wrote as well as me, because then maybe I could read something different for a change.

*i think the worst part about fandom is getting into one and having to learn everything, but the best part is making everybody else suffer just as much as you, and it's MORE fun if the new fandom is something the other person swore they would never, ever be involved in.
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