Turns out there's a big problem with that: my favorites always die. Or, you know, get fired, quit, disband, whatever.
So, of course, this week we had some news about Hikaru on the comm, which is that he's likely quitting (or has already quit) because he's begun to model seriously.
Not a secret: Hikaru is my favorite. ShoxHikaru is my Coat West OTP. Hikaru is the reason I got into Coat West in the first place, via Elos 3.
Probably should be a secret: When I read the post which confirmed my recent fears about Hikaru's lack of appearance for the last few months, I cried.
Like really. cried. with tears. At first, i was just a little wibbly, but then when I followed the link to his official Men's Egg profile, and then to a fanpage that's collected a bunch of his pages, suddenly I felt my chest all close up, and i thought this is just like Y3 all over again.
for some reason, it was this picture that actually brought on tears, though:
I just like him SO MUCH. It's not that I don't want him to get out of the porn industry and model instead, which is more respectable and probably safer and less demeaning...but. Just the thought of never having any more ShoxHikaru.
It's like my favorite series has been canceled suddenly. I WASN'T PREPARED. Not that I would have ever been prepared.
so I'm really excited about how much I love ShunxKai lately, and Sho's been senpaiing with them a lot, but I can't help feeling this pang every time i watch anything now. because for one thing, if Kai becomes my new favorite, it just means he'll be the next one to go.
and for another, I like Nagi, I really do, but every time I see him with Sho, I just keeping thinking about how much hotter it would be with Hikaru instead. I personally think that Sho and Nagi being good friends for real makes their scenes a little awkward (esp the kissing), and it all really just underscores how awesome Sho and Hikaru are together.
I also am having trouble getting used to the fact that Hikaru's name is apparently Okada Hiroki.
Anyway. I know it's all silly. And it's not like I expected pornstars, of all people, to have super-long careers.
I miss Hikaru D:
I'll just be over here clinging to the hope that Sho and Hikaru can date for real now that one of them has quit.