James strode into the dormitory and flopped down on the bed melodramatically.
"I can't take it, Wormtail," he announced.
"What's wrong with you?" Peter asked, looking up from his homework.
"Lily Evans, that's what's wrong with me," James sighed.
"What've you done now?" Peter asked, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. "And I've got quite a few 'I Told You So's coming if you say 'exploded her bag' again because we've TOLD you over and over…"
"She's driving me crazy!" James said, rolling on to his stomach to peer at Wormtail. "Every time I go round a corner, there she is!"
"That's because you follow her everywhere!" Peter protested.
"And now…I just can't take it, I tell you!"
"Stop being so dramatic," Peter rolled his eyes, giving up on studying and shutting his book. "You only want her because she won't have you."
"Look what she's done to me!" James sprawled back across the bed.
"If you start that line again about how you're pining away from unrequited love, so help me I'll push you out the window," Peter threatened.
"And then she laughs! That laugh of hers," James lapsed back into dreamy-ceiling staring. "I can't tell you what it does to me. Makes me want to…"
James cut himself off with a wordless noise of passion. Peter was about to say something else derogatory when the door slammed open.
"I can't take it!" Remus roared, storming into the room.
"What's…" Peter started.
"SIRIUS BLACK, that's what's wrong with me!" Remus cut him off. "He's driving me crazy!"
"I haven't seen him since classes, come to think of it," James said lazily. "You seen him, then, Moony?"
"Every time I go round a corner, THERE HE IS!" Remus shouted. "And now…I just can't take it, I tell you! Look what he's done to me!"
Remus yanked open his robes to display a pair of the tightest leather pants either James or Peter had ever seen.
"Not the Deck the Halls Hex again," Peter shook his head sadly.
"He's getting better," James commented. "They're real leather this time. And look at that fit!"
"And then he laughs!" Remus ranted indignantly. "That laugh of his! I can't tell you what it does to me! It makes me want to…"
Remus cut himself off with a wordless noise of fury.
Peter opened his mouth, then stopped. He looked at James, sighing languidly. He looked at Remus, face red with emotion.
And then it all clicked.