Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this

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And Then Hercules Shows Up and it All Goes To Hell

Have the stupid Perseus and Theseus story that I just rewrote AGAIN. It sounds a little whacked out because I wrote it (AGAIN) in such a way as to be easily translated.

Perseus and Theseus in a Bar

Once, in a certain bar in Greece, Perseus was sitting and drinking. Theseus entered the bar and, when he had caught sight of Perseus, thought that that guy looked like a hero and that they should be friends. Strolling to the bar, Theseus ordered the barman to pour them drinks.

“Truly you are an excellent man!” said Perseus. “I am Perseus, the king of Seriphos and a hero.” Theseus said that he was a prince of Athens and also a hero.

“Let us drink,” Theseus declared, “to heroes!” Thus they drank, and when Perseus noticed that their cups were empty, he ordered the next round.

When they had drunk much of wine, Theseus asked whether Perseus had slayed any monsters. “Of course I have killed,” Perseus answered, “many monsters!” He said the worst of all had been the Medusa, horrible in appearance, who turned men to stone and had snakes for hair, but that he had killed her by means of a mirror. “More horrible,” Theseus replied, “was the Minotaur,” and he explained the Minotaur to be half-bull and to eat children, but that he had killed it by means of string.

“Let us drink,” Perseus declared, “to monsters!” Thus they drank, and when Theseus noticed that their cups were empty, he ordered the next round.

When they had drunk more of wine, Perseus asked Theseus if girls pleased him, and if he had a girlfriend. “Indeed I have,” Theseus said, “a most beautiful girlfriend, Ariadne!” He further said that Ariadne was most skillful but too annoying, and that he had left her on an island because she wanted to marry him. “More annoying,” Perseus replied, “is my wife, Andromeda,” and he explained that Andromeda had a most strict mother and that monsters often came to try to eat his wife.

“Let us drink,” Theseus declared, “to girlfriends!” Thus they drank and when Perseus noticed that their cups were empty, he ordered the next round.

When they had drunk very much of wine, Perseus and Theseus were very drunk and began to quarrel. Theseus declared that Perseus was a woman for using a mirror to kill monsters. Perseus back to him replied that a mirror was manlier than some string, and that both Ariadne and her mother were likely uglier than the Medusa. Moved by anger, both Perseus and Theseus shouted and struck each other with fists.

Finally, “Get out, you morons,” the barman exclaimed, “for you are very drunk and therefore too annoying to endure!” The barman ejected both Theseus and Perseus into the road, where they laid on the ground seeing stars. “What happened?” Theseus asked, and Perseus answered that he didn’t know.

At that very moment, Hercules was coming down the road. When he saw Perseus and Theseus, he thought that these two looked like heroes and that they should be friends. “I am Hercules,” he said, and he helped the two men up from the ground. “Let us go into the bar and let us drink!”

“Truly you are an excellent man,” Perseus said, and he did not seem to notice Theseus holding him in a tight embrace lest he again fall down. “But perhaps we should find another bar.”

And in conclusion:

mousapelli: this is going on the story
marksykins: that's not at all homoerotic
mousapelli: amazing~
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