Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for extensive prop closet jokes.
Summary: Sanada wants to spy on Hasshi, and Nozawa is tormented by kouhai.
AN: For chiharu, who wanted Sanada and Nozawa investigating Hasshi but then failed to come up with a compelling reason why. Also, 'getting to C' is like the base system, as in "I got to third base with her." Like the American system, exactly what A, B, or C is is rather fluid, but D is as high as I've ever heard somebody getting.
Getting to (AB)C
Romance in the Jimusho wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, Nozawa was discovering.
“So,” Takahata wanted to know, beaming up at Nozawa with the rest of B.I.Shadow hanging around behind him shamelessly eavesdropping, “how far have you gotten with Sanada-kun?”
“Excuse me?” Nozawa scowled down at them, about the only thing his new-found height was good for. Apparently it wasn’t even good for that, since Takahata just went on grinning up at him, not cowed in the slightest.
“You know,” Takahata elbowed Nozawa, winking. “You’re cute enough, he’s definitely tried something right, right?”
“No!” Nozawa’s cheeks heated and he hurried to get changed the rest of the way into his practice clothes so that he could escape.
“Aw, he’s blushing!” Takahata crowed. “It’s true then!”
“I heard you two got to C in the prop closet,” Nakajima spoke up from the floor, where he was tying his shoelaces.
“No, that wasn’t them,” Tanaka Jyuri put in from a few yards away, voice muffled by the huge T-shirt he was tugging over his head. “I’m not even sure Sanada-kun knows what getting to C is.”
“Stop it all of you!” Nozawa snapped, cheeks now blazing. “We definitely haven’t been in the prop closet, and I certainly wouldn’t tell you all if we had, and you,” Nozawa loomed a little more threateningly over Jyuri than he had over Takahata, “you better knock it off or I’ll tell Koki-kun exactly how much you know about getting to C.”
“Pfft,” Jyuri replied after Nozawa had stormed out without even stopping to put his sneakers. He shrugged when Nakajima looked up at him. “Who do you think taught me what C is in the first place?”
“The kouhai picking on you again, Nokkun?” Sanada teased when Nozawa slunk out to the practice area, cheeks still hot and grumpy because he’d left his water bottle behind and refused to go back into the dressing room to get it.
“Shut up, you,” Nozawa growled, dropping to sit beside Sanada on the pile of mats and stealing his water bottle without asking. “It’s your fault. They think we got to C in the prop closet.”
“Somebody’s been getting a lot farther than C in there, but it sure hasn’t been with me.” Sanada batted his eyelashes at Nozawa, giving him a pout. “Are you cheating on me, Yuu-chan?”
“Go fuck yourself, Yuuma-pi,” Nozawa hummed in reply. He recapped the water bottle but didn’t give it back. “You don’t care that they’re talking about us like that?”
“I might care if it were true,” Sanada snorted, “except then I’d be too busy getting some to care. Anyway, I’ve got something much more important to talk to you about.”
“What’s that?” Nozawa asked gamely, glad for the change in topic.
“I think Hasshi’s doing it with the senpai.” Sanada crossed his arms dramatically.
“What?” Nozawa gave Sanada a glance. “He is not.”
“No, no, listen!” Sanada insisted. “Have you watched him dance lately? He’s all…you know.” Sanada gave a little hiproll with a suggestive lowering of his eyelids.
Nozawa looked away quickly. “He’s always danced like that. Anyway, what do you care if he is?”
“I just don’t like it,” Sanada started picking at the plastic edge of the mat with his fingers, “that the senpai get to borrow our innocent little Hasshi and do a bunch of things to him and what’ll happen when they get bored with him in the end?”
“Yuuma,” Nozawa blinked, laying a hand on Sanada’s arm, “I had no idea you were so concerned about…”
“We’ll get him back damaged goods, that’s what’ll happen,” Sanada scowled.
“…yourself,” Nozawa finished, pinching Sanada’s arm until he yelped. “We might not get him back at all, you know. And anyway, you’re crazy. A.B.C.’s too old for Hasshi, they aren’t like that. Now if he were in Kisumai, I’d start worrying.”
“We should investigate!” Sanada hopped off the mats.
“Investigate what?” Nozawa demanded as Sanada grabbed his hands and dragged him to his feet.
“Exactly!” Sanada beamed. “Come on!”
“You’re a moron,” Nozawa grumbled to Sanada as they slipped into Ebikisu’s practice area on the pretense of asking somebody or other a question. Nozawa asked in a low voice exactly who they were asking what again, trying to find out what few details Sanada’s half-baked plan contained.
“Shh, I’m investigating!” Sanada hissed back, pretending to inspect himself in the practice room’s mirrored wall, while actually watching over his reflection’s shoulder as Kawai and Tsuka were trying to spot Hasshi through a backbend.
Nobody was paying them the slightest bit of attention, and Nozawa watched openly as Hasshi collapsed, dragging all three of them into a giggling heap.
“Can I help you two?” A voice interrupted, and Nozawa looked up to see Fujigaya had skated up beside them and was now regarding them with a raised eyebrow.
“Yuuki had a question,” Sanada said, pretending to fluff his hair. Or maybe not pretending.
“I’ve been wondering, Fujigaya-kun,” Nozawa suppressed the dirty look he wanted to give Sanada and schooled his face into an expression of kouhai interest, “how you get your hair to do that, exactly.”
“Oh,” Fujigaya’s expression thawed and he slung an arm over Nozawa’s shoulder, “if it’s that sort of advice, you’ve definitely come to the right person, Nozawa-kun!”
“You owe me so big,” Nozawa growled at Sanada when he finally managed to drag both of them from the room. “Do you have any idea how many non-indicated uses of hair gel I can name now?”
“But we didn’t really find anything out though,” Sanada complained. “All they really did was practice together.”
“That’s because that’s all they actually do!” Nozawa gave Sanada the full force of the dirty look he’d been holding in while Fujigaya nattered on about the dangers of wool hats. “It’s what we ought to be doing, in fact! We’re at work, you realize!”
“We ARE at work!” Sanada exclaimed, face lighting up. “Yuuki, you’re a genius!”
“I am?” Nozawa asked. “Then why am I dating you again?”
“We need to follow them outside of work too!” Sanada continued, rubbing his hands in glee, and Nozawa slapped a hand to his forehead.
“See?!” Sanada hissed as he peered over his menu at Hasshi happily chattering away at Kawai and Goseki on the other side of the Italian place. “This is clearly a date!”
“Or Hasshi and Kawai clearly eat like gluttonous cows and this place refills the breadsticks endlessly?” Nozawa suggested instead, slouching down farther into his seat and wondering if his own breadstick was sharp enough to kill himself.
“Are you two ready to order yet?” the waitress inquired, voice bored, and when Nozawa looked up, she was tapping her long nails against her hip.
“Sorry,” Nozawa gave her long-suffering eyes, “my girlfriend is very indecisive.”
Sanada opened his mouth to protest, and Nozawa kicked him under the table so that he shut his mouth with a snap.
“Whatever.” The waitress gave Nozawa a steely eye before turning on her heel to check her other tables.
“I’m not the girl!” Sanada said when she was gone, and Nozawa just gave him a withering glance. “Anyway, pay attention! Goseki-kun is clearly buttering up Hasshi with fine cuisine to make his move!”
“If you wanted to butter Hasshi up for anything, it wouldn’t take fine cuisine, it’d take maybe an onigiri.” Nozawa eyed the menu a little more closely. “How much cash do you have on you?”
“You’re really cold, Yuuki.” Sanada stuck his tongue out at Nozawa. “Don’t you care at all that the bendy and experienced senpai are taking advantage of our pretty, innocent friend?”
“I care that if we don’t order something soon we’re going to get kicked out of this restaurant,” Nozawa shot back, “and also that if I don’t get home before my curfew my mother is going to make it so that I don’t get to C until I’m SMAP’s age!”
“Here you go,” the waitress said, dropping two plates of pasta in front of them, interrupting. “I took the liberty of ordering you the special, and also bringing your check. Let me know if I can get you anything else!” She gave them a sharp smile and sauntered off.
“Just give me your wallet,” Nozawa sighed.
“There’s nothing in it besides a KAT-TUN phone card,” Sanada informed him, shoveling a forkful of pasta into his mouth. “Hey, this is really good!”
“Sooo,” Kikuchi wanted to know as soon as Nozawa arrived at the Jimusho the next day. “How was your big date?”
“My what?” Nozawa demanded, in no mood for games after being scolded by his mother for missing curfew, and then nearly having his phone confiscated at school when Sanada wouldn’t stop sending him mails about all the positions acrobatic senpai might have already taught Hasshi.
“Your date!” Kikuchi snickered. “Italian, ne? Ve~ry romantic! You and Sana-chan are pretty rabu-rabu these days, ne ne?”
“Me and Sana-chan,” Nozawa replied acidly, “aren’t quite on speaking terms at the moment.” And then he stomped off in the other direction before Kikuchi could answer.
Unfortunately, as soon as he rounded the corner, he saw Sanada strolling up the hallway. Before Nozawa could turn back around, Sanada waved and bustled up to Nozawa.
“Okay,” Sanada started, blissfully unaware that Nozawa wasn’t speaking to him, “so I was thinking today the best time to observe would definitely be…”
“NO!” Nozawa bellowed, forgetting all about the silent treatment. “No more spying!”
“But why not?” Sanada wanted to know.
“Why not?!” Nozawa demanded in disbelief. “I’m broke, I’m grounded, I’ve been scarred for life, and also, oh yeah, I do not in any way care if Hasshi is doing it with senpai from A.B.C. or any other unit!”
Sanada stared at Nozawa with big eyes, while Nozawa took a deep breath and tried to regain even a minimal amount of his composure.
“I mean, really!” Nozawa continued. “What do YOU care so much for?! And don’t feed me some line about being worried about Hasshi’s innocence, because assuming he does have some left, you’d trade it in three seconds flat for a melon Kit-Kat and a solo page in Myojo!”
Sanada quailed a little under Nozawa’s glare and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.
“It’s just,” Sanada finally said, “Hasshi gets to do everything first.”
“What?” Nozawa asked.
“He gets a big fancy unit and a unit name,” Sanada kicked at the floor, “and concerts, and to hang out with Tackey-kun and to talk a lot during interviews, and everything!”
“Yuuma,” Nozawa, caught off-guard, felt his anger start to ebb away, “we’ll probably get those things too, sooner or later.”
“But Hasshi gets them first,” Sanada insisted, looking up to pout angrily at Nozawa. “He gets to do everything first, so why should sex be any different!”
“Is THAT what this is all about?” Nozawa asked, annoyance returning in full force, because sometimes Sanada was so stupid. “You’ve had me running all over the place, making a fool out of myself because you’re afraid Hasshi will lose his virginity before you do?!”
“Well..” Sanada scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess.”
“You,” Nozawa snarled, “are a MORON.”
And then he grabbed two fistfuls of Sanada’s shirt and yanked him close enough to kiss him roughly, rough enough to make Sanada squeak before his eyes fluttered shut.
“Because,” Nozawa growled when he broke the kiss just far enough to suck in some air, “I can fix that real easy.”
Nozawa almost called the whole thing off when they stumbled in the closest unlocked door and it turned out to be the prop closet, but then Sanada yanked his shirt off and Nozawa figured that if everybody was already talking about it, maybe he ought to at least get something out of it for once.
Slamming the door shut, Nozawa pulled Sanada close again, kissing him until Sanada was pressing him tight against the door, and then locking his arms around Sanada’s neck for the leverage to get his legs up around Sanada’s waist.
“I thought I was the girl,” Sanada gasped, hooking hands under Nozawa’s thighs and groaning shamelessly as he rocked their hips together.
“I don’t want you complaining you lost the wrong virginity or anything ridiculous,” Nozawa said, then leaned in to whisper in Sanada’s ear, “so we’ll have to do it both ways. Ladies first~.”
“Not a single word.” Nozawa held up a hand before B.I.Shadow could even get a word out when he and Sanada finally got back to the dressing room, Sanada slinking over to his bag with a stiff gait and pink cheeks.
“C?” Nakajima whispered to Kikuchi and Takahata, but both of them shook their heads. All three turned to Jyuri.
“Niichan hasn’t taught me that letter yet,” Jyuri shrugged, the motion making his huge jacket rustle.
Nozawa just gave all of them a condescending smile before strolling over to his own bag, slapping Sanada’s ass on the way by and smirking when Sanada yelped.