Title: Break Hearts, Not Sidebars [Jaejoong/DBSK]
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for what Changmin is going to do to Jaejoong if he breaks that sidebar one more time.
Summary: International_Huge needs a new website.
AN: HUGE THANKS to konzatsu, the Min to my Jae, as well as Clare, Elise, and Di-chan. Our insanity is the special kind of insanity. And as with all Int_Huge fics, this is only fictional in that every single bit of it actually happened.
Break Hearts, Not Sidebars
“Minnie-ah,” Jaejoong announced, coming into the workroom and draping himself over Changmin’s shoulders, “my website sucks.”
“Yes, it does,” Changmin agreed, not even glancing up from the photography textbook he was reading.
“It’s a big mess and my fic list is too long and I have to do all the indexes by hand whenever I change something,” Jaejoong continued. “It’s a pain in the butt!”
“When was the last time you even updated your website?” Changmin asked vaguely. “You haven’t done it in ages, you just keep sticking things up on your blog.”
“That’s because updating it is a pain in the butt!” Jaejoong exclaimed. “I want a nice website! With a nice database and indexes, like Yunho’s! Yunho’s website doesn’t suck.”
“That’s because Yunho didn’t design his website in an hour with an iPhone from a hotel in Hokkaido at three in the morning,” Changmin said, flipping a page. “And also because Yunho knows how to design an index, the plural of which, by the way, is indices.”
“Oi!” Jaejoong punched Changmin in the shoulder. “Maybe Yunho’s just got a lot more time on his hands because he doesn’t spend it cooking and cleaning up after you, you brat.”
“While that may be true,” Changmin dodged Jaejoong’s second punch and grabbed at his wrist to hold it still, “it doesn’t explain why you’re in here bothering me. If you like Yunho’s website so much, go bother him to help you.”
“But you’re so much better at that stuff,” Jaejoong pouted. “Minnie-ah, don’t you want to do your hyung a favor?”
Changmin leaned back a little, eyeing Jaejoong. His fingers flexed against Jaejoong’s wrist, and Jaejoong suppressed a shiver.
“What do I get out of it?” Changmin finally asked.
Jaejoong grinned and used his free hand to flip Changmin’s book closed. “Tell me what you want and I’m sure we can work something out.”
“I thought you were going to trick Changmin into fixing your website?” Yoochun asked casually as he was rooting around in the refrigerator.
At the kitchen table, Jaejoong poked at the keys of his keyboard sulkily. “It didn’t go as planned.”
“You couldn’t trick your way out of a paper bag, hyung!” Changmin hollered from the living room, but Jaejoong chose to believe he was actually yelling at Junsu in the course of their video game.
“It’s all for the best, really,” Yoochun assured, shutting the fridge and came around to look over Jaejoong’s shoulder, crunching on an apple. “It’s not like your website needs fixing.”
“You don’t think so?” Jaejoong asked hopefully.
“It needs to be destroyed so that you can start all over,” Yoochun finished his thought, and Jaejoong craned his neck to scowl at him. “Broken down into all its component parts and scattered to the winds of the internet so that it can never be reassembled. Down to its very atoms.”
“It isn’t that bad!” Jaejoong snapped, crossing his arms and glaring.
Yoochun raised an eyebrow.
“It really is,” Jaejoong sighed, slumping in his chair. But then he straightened up and squared his shoulders. “All right, I’m deleting it.”
“Wait,” Yoochun grabbed Jaejoong’s wrist as he was reaching for the keys, “are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Jaejoong looked at the sea of pink drowning his browser window, dotted with the occasional blinking ‘NC-17’ gif. “I’m sure.”
Shrugging, Yoochun let go of Jaejoong’s wrists. Jaejoong steeled himself, then reached over and deleted everything in his FTP server’s folder. After refreshing his browser window to make sure everything was gone, he sat back in his chair with a sigh of relief.
“That wasn’t so bad,” he said. Yoochun patted his shoulder.
“I don’t think that was the hard part,” Yoochun said. “Now you’ll actually have to…”
“Oi!” Yunho interrupted, coming into the kitchen. He was wearing only sweatpants and his hair was crushed flat on one side. “What happened to your website? Did you get kicked off the whole internet this time?”
“I told you not to post the one about us breaking in the Korean apartment!” Changmin yelled from the other room.
“Yunnie!” Jaejoong called as he sailed into Yunho’s room, holding up his laptop in triumph.
Yunho, rolling his eyes and setting his laptop aside, asked, “You know this is the second time in two hours you’ve interrupted my quality alone time? Don’t talk to me about it when you want to complain there’s no new good fic for you to read.”
“You’re rereading your own stuff like a total tool, and we both know it,” Jaejoong summarily dismissed Yunho’s baseless accusations. He dropped his laptop onto Yunho’s stomach. “This is much more exciting. Look!”
“International-Huge.net?” Yunho peered at the browser, sitting up a little higher so the laptop screen wasn’t catching the glare of his bedside lamp. “You got a new domain?”
Jaejoong shrugged a shoulder. “I figured so long as I was going to have upheaval and break all my links…my hosting ran out the end of the month anyway. Did you know you can’t put underscores in domain names?”
“Yes, as does everybody in the world,” Yunho commented mildly. “I’m just surprised you spelled your own screenname right in one try.”
“Erm,” said Jaejoong. “Lucky the .net version was free, right?”
“And do I want to know who owns international-huge.com?” Yunho inquired. “Or will it be exactly what I think it is?”
“Would that we were all so well-endowed,” Jaejoong murmured, making Yunho laugh. Jaejoong reached over to tilt the screen a little. “You like my splash page, right?”
“I’d like it if it went somewhere, like to your fic,” Yunho replied. “This isn’t going to be one of those things you do like crazy for a week and then never finish, is it? Like making your own jam? Or your TRICK mini-series?”
“TRICK is almost done, thank you very much,” Jaejoong sniffed, scooping his laptop back off Yunho’s stomach. “It would go a lot faster if Changmin weren’t nitpicking all the details and Junsu weren’t demanding dramatic readings. But I haven’t even told you the best part yet.”
“What’s the best part?” Yunho asked gamely, resettling his own laptop onto his stomach.
“I’ve got WordPress now!” Jaejoong beamed. “I installed it myself! I didn’t have to ask Changmin for any help at all.”
“That’s very hi-tech of you,” Yunho chuckled. “You do know that means you’ll have to re-upload every single one of your stories all over again?”
“It’s a small price to pay for aesthetics,” Jaejoong informed him. Holding his laptop proudly before him, Jaejoong went back out of the room, calling back over his shoulder, “I’ll just be out here making my website fabulous! Don’t wait up!”
“You’ll come crawling back to me after CSS breaks your heart,” Yunho said to nobody in particular, settling himself more comfortably against his pillows.
“So how’s it going?” Junsu asked, not even looking away from the television and tapping steadily at the PS3 controller in his hand.
Jaejoong, who had been cursing under his breath at his laptop for the last half-hour, glared at Junsu from the end of the couch they were sharing.
“Honestly,” Junsu continued, oblivious, “I don’t know why you’re spending so much time on a website anyway. Isn’t your blog good enough? What’s the difference?”
“You’re a pleb,” Jaejoong informed Junsu, not even dignifying his question with a response as he went back to tinkering with the CSS for his website. A few minutes later, he saved and uploaded what he had, then clicked refresh on his browser. “Oh, fuck. CHANGMIN!”
“What?” Changmin’s voice echoed from elsewhere in the apartment.
“I broke my sidebar again!” Jaejoong yelled.
There was a long moment of silence, and then the slap of Changmin’s bare feet on the floor before he stuck his head into the living room to glare at Jaejoong.
“Are you doing this on purpose?” he wanted to know. He cracked a knuckle. “Be honest, I won’t hurt you much.”
“I’m not!” Jaejoong protested, pointed at the laptop as if to blame it. “It keeps doing it on its own! It just won’t stay in its own column; it keeps spreading its grabby little lines all over my screen!”
“I already fixed that,” Changmin grumbled, trudging over to sit on the couch between Junsu and Jaejoong, giving Junsu a casual kick to the calf when he didn’t move over enough immediately.
“Oi, not during a boss!” Junsu said, kicking back. “We have rules about that!”
“You didn’t really fix it, it just looked okay in Firefox,” Jaejoong explained, dropping the laptop into Changmin’s lap as if handing over custody of a demanding child. “It was always broken in Safari and Explorer, and when I upgraded to Firefox 3 it was broken there, too.”
Changmin eyed Jaejoong. “I don’t know whether to be excited because you finally learned to cross-platform check, or to one-touch you because I’ve already fixed this three times. Seriously, what did you do?”
“Seriously nothing!” Jaejoong protested, leaning over to rest his chin on Changmin’s shoulder, ignoring Changmin’s attempts to shrug him off.
“I don’t know why you can’t just use the templates like a normal person,” Changmin grumbled as he started fiddling with the code. “There’s like four hundred and two different WordPress stylesheets you could possibly use, but you just have to be a special snowflake, don’t you?”
“Yup,” Jaejoong hummed, immediately bored by the code and watching Changmin’s long fingers stretch over the keys instead. “Besides, everything has sidebars on the right, and I want mine on the left.”
Changmin stopped typing. “You moved the sidebar?”
“To the left, like I said.” Jaejoong nodded. “I just c&p’ed the whole thing above the entry body tags.”
“Oh, you unbelievable moron, why didn’t you just say that?” Changmin demanded. Scrolling up a little, he typed for about thirty seconds, saved, and then reloaded everything. “Didn’t you think you might need to define column width?”
“You said you fixed it,” Jaejoong said dismissively. “Hey, you really did fix it! Thank you, Minnie-ah.” Jaejoong took his laptop back and gave Changmin a noisy kiss on the cheek.
“You owe me so much sex,” Changmin replied darkly, wiping his cheek off. “But I haven’t decided whether I want to actually touch you for it, or I’m just going to make you write it instead.” Jaejoong just hummed vaguely, already re-absorbed by his computer, and Changmin turned to Junsu instead. “You done with the boss?”
“Uh-huh,” Junsu answered, then yelped when Changmin fell heavily on top of him.
“Aren’t you ever going to be done with that?” Yunho asked plaintively. He was curled on his side next to Jaejoong in bed in a position that Jaejoong generally considered alluring.
Except for the part where Jaejoong wasn’t paying him any attention.
“Dunno,” Jaejoong answered, distracted. He went right on clicking away at the keys.
“We aren’t ever going to have sex again, are we?” Yunho sighed, relaxing his position from alluring to just floppy.
“It’s not my fault there’s so much junk for me to upload here,” Jaejoong pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “Who the hell wrote all this crap? And I wouldn’t be complaining if I had as many fic requests as you.”
“I’m not that bad,” Yunho scoffed.
“‘Joongie-ah, write one about Yoochun’s car,’” Jaejoong imitated in a high-pitched voice. “’Ne, ne, or one about all of us together in the Tokyo apartment! Or one about Changmin and eggplants!’”
“I have never, ever asked you for anything with eggplants in it!” Yunho interrupted, shoving at Jaejoong’s thigh. “Not even in food! And anyway, at least I put out in return. I’m trying to put out right now, in fact!”
“Go find Changmin,” Jaejoong murmured. “He’s the one demanding all the sex around here lately.”
“I’m too lazy to either go find him or to put up with his acrobatics,” Yunho said, giving another sigh and resigning himself to snuggling his pillow. “You’re the worst umma ever.”
“And yet, here you are.” Jaejoong pulled his attention away from his screen long enough to give Yunho a tired smile and reached over to stroke his hair a moment. It only took a gentle to push to encourage Yunho to shift over enough to cuddle against Jaejoong’s side, and Jaejoong scrunched down far enough to let Yunho lay his head on Jaejoong’s shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you. Want me to write something about eggplants?”
“You’re the only one talking about eggplants!”
“I have an announcement,” Jaejoong said when everybody was arranged to his satisfaction on the couch.
“Your website is finally done?” Yunho asked, perhaps with just a touch of desperation.
“What?” Jaejoong blinked. “Oh, that. I finished that last week. That’s not…hey!”
Jaejoong was interrupted by the other four exchanging glances, and then all of them sprang off the couch and dashed out of the room. Jaw dangling, it took Jaejoong a few seconds to follow them, so that he could kill them, and by the time he caught up they were all crowded onto Jaejoong’s bed, Changmin in the middle of the pile with Jaejoong’s laptop on his thighs, the others shoving and poking at him to hurry.
“Quit it!” Changmin snapped. “There, it’s there! Yunho, don’t pinch! And Junsu, you’ve got two seconds to move your hand.”
“Ooooou,” said Junsu. “You have tags!”
“And a pairings index!” Yunho said with delight.
“And a very sexy sidebar,” Changmin added smugly.
“Why does your website look just like the Apple website?” Yoochun wanted to know.
“I like Apple!” Jaejoong answered defensively. “But anyway, like I was saying…”
“Hey!” he was immediately interrupted again by Yunho’s exclamation, “you finished TRICK!”
“Yes, but…” Jaejoong tried again.
“Click it!” Junsu demanded, shoving at Changmin’s shoulder. “No, not that one, one with me in it! Do the one with me and Yunho!”
“Go in order, you freak,” Yoochun interrupted. “You can’t read the third one first!”
“You only say that because you’re in the first one,” Junsu pouted, but he got over it quick enough when Changmin said they were all going to do what he said because he was the one with the computer, and then clicked through to the first one which he was indeed in.
“Oi!” Jaejoong crossed his arms and glared. “Doesn’t anyone want to hear my announcement?”
Changmin heaved a sigh and tilted the laptop’s screen down far enough that he could see Jaejoong over it, elbowing both Yunho and Junsu sharply. “Of course we want to hear your announcement. Right?”
The other three nodded and looked up at Jaejoong with expressions of penitent interest.
“Okay then,” Jaejoong’s glare thawed out. “I’ve decided…to write my own vegetarian cookbook!” Everyone blinked, and Jaejoong beamed at them coaxingly. “You’ll all try my recipes, right?”
Yunho, Changmin, and Junsu immediately turned their attention back to the laptop, but Yoochun perked up immediately and wanted to know if it would involve a lot of eggplant.
“I told you it wasn’t me,” Yunho said. “Wait, go back to that one about the hair dye.”
Did you click all the links? You really should.
Also, visit U_Know_Who's Website OR visit International_Huge's Website. Now with 100% less annoying blinkies! Also, some interesting things seem to be going on over at internatl_huge and uknowugotit. I hear they are BNFs round these parts, and also that International_Huge isn't really done posting things to celebrate
also also, you should be nice and leave comments on things that you read because internatl_huge has done essentially nothing but this since like March.