Moving on, I thought we had probably better get this one out of the way, because it isn't getting any better as I get tireder. camillabloom had a last minute request for Sirius/Draco and possibly mpreg.
Well, you asked for it.
Sirius is Winning a Lot of Money Here Tonight
"Can I help you with something, Black?" Malfoy snarled over his tea.
"You know, Draco," Sirius sat down across the table from him and propped his chin on his hands, "you're rather pretty."
"I'm sorry?" Draco blinked.
"Pointy," Sirius added thoughtfully, "but pretty."
"Is there something you want?!" Draco demanded.
"Well, you actually," Sirius said. "Turns out that being dragged ass-backwards through that Veil thinger gives a bloke one hell of a libido, and Harry said if I came near him again for the next week, I'd draw back a stump and lose my hands as well."
Draco took a moment to absorb this little speech.
"Why on earth," he finally asked, voice dripping little puddles of disdain all over the table, "would I ever lower myself to shagging you, Black?"
"I'm related to you," Sirius offered hopefully. "Rather closely, actually; you're on my family tapestry, only a few cigarette burns over from me."
"Well, why didn't you say so?" Draco asked, standing up smoothly from his seat. "Let's go."
* * * * * *
A week later found Draco Malfoy brewing with the porcelain cauldron, so to speak, and spitting Sirius Black's name after every heave like it was an four-chili pepper swear.
"I don't understand it," Remus scratched his head as he, Sirius, and Harry watched from a safe distance outside the bathroom. "It should technically have been impossible for you to ever impregnate Draco, Sirius."
"YES!" Sirius crowed, preening with victorious masculinity. "SIRIUS WINS AGAIN!"
Harry grumbled and dug a few Galleons out of his pocket, dropping them disgustedly into Sirius' hand.
If you've ever used Eudora, you will understand the chili-pepper comment, and Sirius' last line is a direct quote from my father on my mother's supposed lack of fertility.