Rating/Warnings: R for Arashi in various states of genderswitch. F/F, M/F, AND M/M, how's that for a single fic.
Summary: After they get turned into girls by the combined forces of KAT-TUN and NEWS, Arashi does what any grown men would do in their situation.
AN: Thanks to my long-suffering beta, and hopefully all the pronouns are finally in the right spot. I blame Arashi for being the worst girls ever.
This is a remix of Re-Assignment Female by musikologie.
Re-Assignment Female (The Option B Remix)
The entirety of Arashi quickly decides that "carry on as normal" is complete bullshit, and "take the day off" sounds like a much better suggestion. Well, they carry on as normal a little, just at first, given that "root through the costumes storage for wigs and school girl uniforms" is completely normal Johnny's behavior.
Arashi have been Johnny's a long time; they find what they need in under fifteen minutes. With the proper distribution of skirts and blazers, they end up looking like they all come from the same school at least, although it's debatable what sort of school that might be, exactly. Jun and Sho's haircuts are long enough that they don't need wigs, and Aiba could get away with it too but demands to wear the one with the dark blonde ringlets. Ohno definitely needs a wig, and Nino does too but openly refuses to wear one.
"People think you're a dyke," Jun comments sagely as they wait for the train. Sho's examining the train schedule, and Aiba's fluffing her wig in the reflection of a vending machine.
"That's fine," Nino retorts. "They'll know they should keep their hands off Oh-chan, then." She wraps her arm around Ohno's skirted waist and gives a fierce glare over her shoulder; a pair of salarymen back up a step. "And their eyes!"
To be honest, there's a fair bit of staring going on, but it's mostly because Arashi makes the worst girls ever, kouhai chemistry accident or not.
The karaoke booth is dim and the couch is comfortable. The table is littered with parfait dishes and a fair number of glasses with their little umbrellas still in them, except for the one that Sho tucked into Aiba's wig. Ohno's the only one holding a microphone, singing along to Hey! Say! JUMP's debut single while Nino eyes her with slightly-inebriated indulgence.
"That song sucks," Jun announces, sprawled across the other side of the L-shaped couch, her feet in Sho's lap and her head in Aiba's. Indulgence is not an emotion that alcohol inspires in Jun, and she frowns when Aiba leans over her, the ringlets of the wig dangling in Jun's face. Jun bats at them. "And your wig looks retarded."
Aiba giggles and tosses her 'hair' back, and Jun frowns harder because Aiba of course came out the most well-endowed of any of them. She reaches up to poke at Aiba's breast, making Aiba's giggle turn into a squeak.
"Jun…" Aiba's protest isn't exactly convincing when Jun cups her breast more firmly, and it cuts off entirely when Jun thumbs her nipple through the thin cotton of her uniform blouse.
"These things are so weird," Jun grumbles, sitting up to get a better look and ignoring the weak slap of Aiba's hands as she starts to fiddle with Aiba's buttons.
"I guess you can put the gay man in a girl's body," Nino comments, "but you can't take the gay man out of the…hey," Nino interrupts herself as the next song title flashes on the television's screen, "did you put their whole catalogue in here?! Gimme that!"
Nino makes a grab for the microphone, and when Ohno fends her off with practiced ease while cheerfully hollering the opening lines of "Dreams Come True," Nino goes for the remote song picker instead. She grins at Ohno's pout as she presses the 'skip' button firmly.
"At least sing something respectable," Nino scolds, busily thumbing away at the search screen, "like Mr.Children, or GReeeeN, or…"
Nino cuts off with a curse as Ohno tackles her to the couch, knocking the song picker out of her hands with tickling fingers and Nino down onto her back. The couch isn't that big and Nino yelps as her skull connects with Aiba's elbow. Immediately apologetic, Ohno digs fingers into Nino's hair to check for a lump, while Aiba presents her elbow to Jun to kiss it better.
"Oh, just come down here already," Nino demands, tugging Ohno down by the shirt until she can press their lips together and Ohno's hand is doing something else entirely in Nino's hair, karaoke entirely forgotten.
"How am I supposed to kiss it better with your shirt in the way?" Jun inquires.
Sho just sighs and reaches for the phone on the wall, slapping Aiba's roaming hand away from her knee as she tells the front desk they're going to need another hour at least.
They end up at Sho's place (which Nino vaguely remembers is closest to where they were) without anybody getting lost or kidnapped or even groped, which is something of a minor miracle given how Aiba and Ohno get when they're drunk.
"Miracle my ass," Jun snorts, bumping fists with Nino for a job well done, and Aiba gives Sho a sloppy kiss on the cheek for leading them all back safely, before turning to Ohno.
"What does Ohno get one for?" Sho demands. "Ohno didn't help at all!"
"She's Leader," Aiba shrugs like that explains everything, and then nobody argues after that because Aiba and Ohno are kissing and they're both girls and Aiba never did get her blouse done back up right after the karaoke booth.
But then Aiba gets Ohno's shirt open and everybody gasps.
"I mean he's Leader," Aiba corrects. "You're back!"
"How come he's back!" Jun demands, lifting up her own skirt and scowling at her continued lack of familiar equipment. Aiba reaches over to poke helpfully and gets her hand slapped away.
"He must have done something different," Sho says, ever practical, and then runs a critical eye over Nino. "Or they must have."
"You too?!" Jun makes an exasperated noise and shoves Aiba's hand away again. "And they didn't do anything different! We spent all day together!"
"Well," Ohno tilts his head thoughtfully. "Not all day…"
Everyone looks at Ohno, and then turns to look at Nino, who shrugs.
"You guys were busy in the costumes storage," he says. "You think Oh-chan grew tits and I didn't check that whole situation out immediately?"
"That took fifteen minutes," Jun protests.
"Oh-chan's stamina didn't change near as much as his cup size."
"Aww," Aiba says, put out for an entirely different reason. "There was experimentation and I missed it?"
"Wait, wait," Sho puts up her hands, "but if a little girl-on-girl action is all it takes to change us back, why aren't we all fixed after the karaoke booth?"
"Maybe it takes a while?" Nino theorizes, attention distracted by Ohno comforting Aiba. "The costumes storage was hours ago, and we didn't change back until just earlier."
"Are you sure?" Aiba frets. "What if we're stuck this way because we just didn't do it right?"
"Didn't do it right?!" Jun repeats, looking scandalized.
"What do you know about girls anyway?" Aiba demands, turning back to Nino while Jun splutters dangerously. "Nino-chan, you have to show us exactly what you did!"
"That'll be tough," Nino replies evenly, "since Oh-chan's not a girl anymore."
"We could always just try until you got it right?" Ohno offers, making Aiba light up. Nino rolls his eyes when Sho blushes.
"So I get to experiment after all?" Aiba asks, cheering when nobody argues with him. "Ne, ne, what should we try first, Captain?"
Jun reaches over to yank Aiba's wig off by one of the ringlets. "First this has to go."
Aiba doesn't seem to care, occupied seizing Ohno's mouth again and wriggling happily when Ohno's hands start to wander underneath her still-unbuttoned shirt. She only breaks the kiss when Jun growls, low and discontent.
"Aw, Jun-chan," Aiba says, lips puffy and voice breathless. She reaches out to catch Jun's hand and tugs her closer. "We wouldn't forget about you."
As Aiba drags Ohno and Jun towards Sho's couch, Nino turns to Sho with a raised eyebrow.
"Just gonna watch?" he inquires, chuckling when Sho flushes even darker. He's known Sho more than long enough to see that it's more arousal than embarrassment, and Sho doesn't fight when Nino tugs her closer by the waist. "Looks like it's you and me, then. And I don't mind showing you what I did to Oh-chan."
"Oh, don't you?" Sho asks, and it's flippant, but Nino can read the touch of uncertainty underneath that too.
"You realize you're the only one of us who looks like an even halfway-decent girl," Nino says, undoing Sho's shirt buttons with flicks of his fingers and brushing his thumb along the waistband of Sho's skirt.
The couch is already at full capacity, so they end up on the chair instead, Nino's pants tossed aside and Sho climbing on top without even bothering to strip the skirt off. It's almost hotter that way, Sho sliding down onto his cock without Nino being able to see properly, and even hotter than that when Nino glances around Sho to see Ohno cradled between Jun's legs while Aiba kisses Jun breathless.
"Fuck, we forgot about condoms. You'd better not knock me up," Sho says, eyes dark as she leans over Nino, demanding his full attention. Nino laughs for a second or two, before Sho starts to move and all the breath gets driven out of his lungs.
Nino works a hand under Sho's skirt, searching with the right spot with his thumb while he wraps the other arm around Sho's waist to pull her closer, to steady her enough to kiss her breasts. Sho gasps when Nino gets his mouth around one of her nipples, and then tightens with a shudder when Nino gets it right with his thumb.
"Dammit," Sho curses, fingers digging into Nino's shoulders for support. "Don't press so hard, it kind of…ooh," Sho tightens all at once and Nino gives a couple undignified curses himself as he struggles not to lose the rhythm that's making Sho shake against him. "Kazu, if you stop I'm going to strangle you."
Nino doesn't stop, keeps going until Sho falls apart entirely and collapses against Nino's chest, breasts heaving and eyes low-lidded.
"You didn't come?" she asks, vaguely surprised, as Nino eases her off him and tugs her into more of a cuddle in his lap, a warm curl against his side.
"Thought it might work out better in the long run," Nino answers cryptically, his attention back on the couch.
They've been rearranged somewhat, although Jun is still in the middle. She's sprawled on her back, Aiba mostly underneath her and holding her wrists, her legs curled tight around Ohno's waist as Ohno thrusts against her. Jun is struggling and begging to be let go, but Aiba just laughs at her and shares a heated look with Ohno as Ohno hauls up Jun just that little bit more by the waist. The change in angle makes Jun's moans rise a half-octave, and then she rips one of her wrists out of Aiba's grip to help finish herself off, obviously right on the edge.
Sho shivers against Nino when Jun comes and drags Ohno along with her. Ohno collapses on top of Jun, and Aiba giggles at them as Jun yanks Ohno's head up for a messy kiss and Ohno can only comply, confused and uncoordinated.
"Looks like Ai-chan could use some help," Nino observes, giving his best friend a not so subtle push and laughing when Sho pinches him before getting up and doing exactly what Nino suggests.
And just like Nino thought he would, Ohno sits up out of the way when Sho comes over, rubbing at his head and yawning as he stands to give Sho his spot. Jun's already turned on Aiba, sucking and nipping at Aiba's skin and making Aiba beg, and she shudders when Sho runs a hand down her spine.
"Hey," Ohno sounds puzzled when he stumbles the half a dozen steps to Nino, glancing down at the way Nino's hand is in a loose curl around his still-hard cock. "Didn't you and Sho…"
"Sho did," Nino pulls his hand away, up to his mouth, and licks at the edge of his thumb, tasting Sho. "I thought if I waited, it might turn out better. Help me out, Oh-chan?"
Ohno doesn't need to be asked twice, and he's on his knees between Nino's legs before Nino can say another word. He groans as soon as he gets his mouth on Nino, tasting Sho on Nino's skin, and Nino moans back softly. He works his fingers into Ohno's hair and watches the slide of Ohno's mouth as he licks Sho's taste away, and Nino's fervently, desperately glad that he's a guy again, because coming this way, Ohno surrounding him and staring up at him with dark eyes, is one of Nino's favorite things in the entire universe.
Exhaustion washes over Nino heavily afterwards, and he can barely keep his eyes open long enough to let Ohno pull him down into a cuddle on the floor. Ohno's heartbeat is steady against one of his ears, the noise of Aiba, Sho, and Jun winding down filling the other, and Nino's content sigh gets an echoing sigh from Ohno.
Not long after, all of them are out cold on the floor of the living room – a mess of limbs, long hair, and old costumes.
The next day, when it turns out that NEWS and KAT-TUN's day were not much more productive and a lot less fun, Arashi all nod smugly to each other and agree that they'd do better to listen to their senpai in the long run.
Except for Aiba, who's busy asking Shige (who has an inexplicably green-haired Koyama lurking behind him) if they can experiment together next time.