Kitayama might be taking a picture of this (mousapelli) wrote,
Kitayama might be taking a picture of this
mousapelli

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Winning Run

I keep wanting to post something more about Kisumai and all, but I can't really figure out what I even want to say.

To tell the story properly, I'd fallen asleep on the couch, but Beth woke me up by imming a bunch of times in a row to demand that i freak out, and rightly so. I in turn made frantic noises at Shelbi, Kira, Pero, Brina, and eventually Iso, cried some, and we ended up in group chat until about 4am, during which I exchanged a couple of mails with Rachel, but they were going into the next concert and we agreed to skype the next morning. I left my laptop open beside me so she could im and wake me up when she got home.

I tried to sleep a couple hours, but I kept waking up, and when my alarm went off, i was like FUCK I DREAMED THAT, but then realized I hadn't when i nearly rolled over onto my computer. eventually rachel did show up and told me the whole story and I cried some more. But not properly yet, you know? I feel proud and happy and shocked, and RELIEVED, so much, but, idk, not properly yet.

it'll come. after Ya-Ya-yah broke up, it took months. And then one day i was scrolling down my flist and something came up, some graphic, I can't even remember, and I started crying and couldn't stop, and it finally just all poured out at once. It'll be like that, like some article or interview or preordering the cd, who knows. It's just, this is first debut since I got into JE that I wanted, that I put so much time and energy into leaning into, and now that we're here, I have no idea what to do.

but I was out shopping with my mother for jeans (fail) and curtains (which she nonconned me into buying), and probably half a dozen times today I just stopped and thought they did it, they made it, and just oh, my heart. *wrings hands*

for now, it's just よかった and おめでとう, and that's more than good enough. It's so funny how we've been treating this like a finish line when really, it's that it all starts now.
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