fine. so I look online, and there they are, and then I log in and they disappear. hm. this goes on for about 2 days, because the website is in the middle of being upgraded and so it won't even let me log on half the time, until this morning I am finally like, enough is enough, and click the 'livechat with person' button.
that's 25 minutes i'll never get back, and ps don't even bother because I'm really sure the 'person' is a machine, like a sophisticated snapebot, only one that answers much slower and doesn't know any good gossip about the Dark Lord.
finally I break down and call, which I hate beyond reason, and go through the whole story again, and at least this person knows what she's talking about because she finally says, well you can only get a refurbished phone if you're up for your upgrade (or you're brand new).
me: you're telling me that refurbished phones are only available at the point where getting a brand new phone would be practically the same price anyway?
and so i'm back to exactly where I started, which is either suffer with the Worst Phone Ever(tm) until November or pay them $300.
Up next: annual physical! I'm sure that will make me feel much better!