Summary: Tamamori is fed up with how easy it is for Miyata to say, when it's so hard for him.
AN: On one of the recent radio shows Miyata listed ten things he loves about Tama, and one of them was about how when they're by themselves, Tama shows a side that nobody else sees. Also you have to be really, really desperate to go to Senga for intelligent romantic advice, imho.
Practice and Other Disasters
The first time Tamamori manages to get an "I love you" out to Miyata's face, his cheeks are hot and his mouth is dry. The whole thing is mortifying, the stupidest thing he's ever done, Miyata staring at him with his mouth open. And then Miyata smiles this tiny, beautiful smile that Tamamori has never seen before, making Tamamori's blood sing in his ears, and it's the best thing Tamamori has ever done.
Those two emotions aren't supposed to exist at the same time, Tamamori is pretty sure, but being in love is fucked up like that. Or maybe it's just being in love with Miyata that's like that, but Tamamori wouldn't know the difference anyway.
He's sure Miyata knows how he really feels, so he doesn't see why he should have to expend the effort to keep telling him all the time. Except after he does it that first time, he sees exactly why. It's still hard though, embarrassing, so Tamamori practices when Miyata is asleep, when they're sharing a hotel room or tucked underneath warm blankets in Miyata or Tamamori's rooms.
Even then, it isn't easy.
"I…" Tamamori tries, but gets distracted by the steady rise and fall of Miyata's shoulder as he lies on his side, by how Miyata's breath is just barely crossing the distance to brush Tamamori's collarbone. "You…I really…"
"Mmm," Miyata says in his sleep, then sighs.
"Why's it so easy for you?" Tamamori wants to know, reaching over to run a fingertip down Miyata's nose. Miyata scrunches it cutely, then relaxes when Tamamori's fingers drift to brush his cheek instead. "And it's so hard for me. Not fair."
He gives Miyata's hair a little yank, then pretends to be asleep when Miyata snorts awake, looking around for what woke him up. Miyata settles back down after a second, sliding an arm over Tamamori to tug him closer. Face tucked against Miyata's chest, Tamamori smiles at the way Miyata's palm rests protectively on the top of his spine, the familiar smell of Miyata's skin.
"Hope you're dreaming something good," Miyata murmurs, voice quiet, and Tamamori wonders how often Miyata talks to him when he's really asleep, if his voice is always so gentle. "Let's meet in our dreams, okay?" He's clearly almost back to sleep, but Miyata still manages a content, "Mm, I love you."
Tamamori waits until he's sure Miyata is unconscious before he snakes his own arm around Miyata's waist and tells him that he loves him too.
"Why is it so hard?" Tamamori demands of Senga the next day. Not like Senga is the best person to seek intelligent advice from, but he's the least likely to make fun of Tamamori, and he's easily four times as stupid for Nikaido as Tamamori is for Miyata. "To just say what you feel?"
Senga shakes his head, palm tree waving side-to-side. "It's stupid, right? Especially since they already know, and we know how they feel…it's really dumb." He laughs and Tamamori joins in, both of them laughing at themselves. "Nika says it all the time, in mails or when it's just us, and I want to say it back, but…sometimes even that's no good. Because you don't just want to repeat it, right? It ought to mean something when you say it. Complicated." Senga makes a face.
"Troublesome," Tamamori agrees. "So, then what?"
"I just show him instead," Senga says, making his "Determination!!" face. "I mean, I say it once in a while, but grabbing his hand, or hugging him for no reason, or letting him sneak a kiss when I should totally push him off, those are a lot easier. And sometimes I can do those in public even, if I'm careful. That seems to mean a lot more, for Nika."
"Mm, mm." Tamamori nods, thinking about that. It does sound easier, more practical even if it is less direct. Even if it is advice that comes from Senga, it's not like Tamamori could fail at it any more than he's failing at what he's doing now.
And it's not like Nikaido's the sharpest cookie in the box, Tamamori thinks as watches Senga sneak a hug from behind and Nikaido light up like the sun. If he can figure out what's going on, Miyata definitely can.
So for a few days, Tamamori sidles up for attention quietly in dressing rooms and tries not to call Miyata a moron so much, at least when there's nobody else to hear, and he counts to five before he shoulders Miyata off when he gets clingy, even if they're being filmed for the website. But since Miyata was already confessing his love and beaming like an idiot before, it's really impossible for Tamamori to tell whether he's making any headway or not.
There's also the fact that out-nicing Miyata is a complete impossibility. If Tamamori calls to say good night, he's already got three missed calls of his own, if he sneaks out to get them drinks from the vending machine, they just end up with four of them.
"Up," Tamamori orders when he comes back from solo shots and finds Miyata dozing on the couch. Miyata blinks blearily up at him as he complies, dragging himself up to a sitting position. Tamamori drops into the empty seat on the end and scrunches around to get comfortable. "Down."
Miyata blinks another second before he chuckles and settles back down, head now comfortable in Tamamori's lap. He hums showily when Tamamori starts running fingers through his hair.
"Tama-chan is being really nice to me lately," Miyata comments, making Tamamori's hand still. "Oi, don't stop."
"So you did notice?" Tamamori asks, embarrassment and relief twisting in his chest when Miyata nods.
"Sure I did," he answers. "Because I watch Tama-chan carefully all the time. Because I love you." And, ugh, that's exactly the problem right there.
"How can you say it so easily?" Tamamori demands, cranky about the whole project.
"Is that what you're worked up over?" Miyata rolls over onto his back to look up at Tamamori directly. His face is unusually serious, genuinely interested. "Because I say I love you more than you do?"
"It just. It's." Tamamori twiddles a piece of Miyata's hair between his fingers and doesn't exactly meet his eyes. "I want to, more, but I can't. I try, but I hardly ever can. Senga said—"
"Senga said," Miyata repeats, way too amused.
"Shut up! He said showing it is okay too, but…" Tamamori squirms. "We're not them. And I can't tell whether you're getting it or just being stupid like normal, and I feel like an idiot—"
"Shh, geez," Miyata interrupts, obviously trying to keep from laughing. "Easy, easy. I get it, I got it. Just because I say it so much, though, doesn't mean you have to. I know how you feel, I don't care if you say it all the time, or ever."
"But I want to say it!" Tamamori protests. He pokes Miyata in the chest. "And yeah, you do."
"Okay, I do, a little." Miyata lays a hand over top of Tamamori's to squash it flat over his heartbeat. "But it's not the most important thing. Getting to see the Tamamori that no one else sees, the one you've been showing me recently? That's really good too."
"I still feel like an idiot," Tamamori complains, pulling a face. "And I had to get romantic advice from Senga, and now I'm getting molested by you on a jweb video that fifty thousand fans can see."
"International fans too," Miyata reminds, patting his hand. Tamamori scowls at him, making him laugh. "But it's okay, right?"
"It can't be helped," Tamamori corrects, and then, easy for no reason, "since I love you."
"Oh?" Miyata asks, voice soft, the small, beautiful smile making one of its elusive appearances.
"See?!" Tamamori demands, cheeks heating. "You totally do care!" But he doesn't argue or struggle when Miyata sits up to wrap arms around his neck.
"Say it again?" he asks.
"No," Tamamori hisses. Miyata laughs and kisses him, clinging and sweetly enough that Tamamori's pink cheeks aren't from embarrassment by the time the kiss breaks. Miyata rests their foreheads together, humming softly when Tamamori's fingers tug at the end of his hair.
"I'm the only one you'll be so nice to, right?" Miyata asks.
"Who says I'm gonna keep being nice to you?" Tamamori blusters. It changes to just a "hmph" when Miyata brushes another quick kiss to Tamamori's cheek. "Oi, go back to napping and quit trying to be so cute."
"Oh, I'm doing a lot better than just trying," Miyata says, but he lies down anyway, making himself just as comfortable as before.
"Tcht," Tamamori clicks his tongue, "I should not be encouraging you." But his fingers are already back in Miyata's hair, making his eyes close in pleasure and his smile grow even larger. "Not after what you did during filming."
Miyata sighs a sleepy, "Mmhmm."
"Don't you dare sweat all over me," Tamamori warns, but Miyata is already out cold. He guesses there could be worse things, anyway, especially given that Miyata will be taking him home later, and certainly in that situation sweating all over him will not be out of the question. And even if Miyata doesn't care (that much), maybe Tamamori will still practice saying what he feels.
Maybe, just maybe, he'll try practicing when Miyata is awake this time.